Therapist won't insult you by giving you advice on blog about what therapists do in session. Sharing expertise with the client

Dear client: We don’t give advice

Dear client, When you come in for your first appointment, you may ask a question. I get asked this question a lot. So many clients, when they come for their first appointment give an outline of a very painful situation in their lives and then ask, “What is your advice?” There are different ways people …

The Bonsai g’bye

  Natalie finished her internship with us yesterday.  She began seeing clients in fall. As interns are, she was eager to learn how therapy works in a therapy room after spending countless hours learning about therapy in a classroom, reading about it in books, and writing papers about it. Natalie soaked up the learning. Her …

Warm Sunshine on Ruts

This time of year is tricky in the back lane. The snow that got packed down in the road during the winter got turned into a slushy mess with warmer weather. Now it’s gotten cold again, and that slush has frozen into solid position: deep ruts. The challenge driving down the back lane these days …

Problems become possibilities

I’ve been thinking a lot as we go into the new year about using the challenges of life as an opportunity to be creative, to grow, and learn, and make something even better than was before. Challenges can inspire creativity and options considered that wouldn’t have been otherwise been needed. This thinking started with a …

Controlled Separation: A Marriage Coma

The ideas in the article were included in my book, as a part of my passion to help people make their marriages better. Finding ways to change destructive patterns are important…sometimes, small changes can make a big difference.  Sometimes, a big change is required to open space for the important shifts that are needed. For …

“Fault?” Not relevant!

I often hear someone refusing to come to counselling because they don’t have the problem: “If I’m not the rebellious one, why would I need counselling?” “He’s the one that drinks, not me.  He needs counselling, not me!” “My wife is the one that lost her parents in the accident. I don’t need help.” “The …

10 Rules of Engagement

If you enjoy this blog, you may enjoy the book I wrote that covers topics like this one: Husband and I love each other, but we don’t always see eye to eye. We have to sort out disagreement and differences of opinion and perceived and actual slights just like anybody else. I don’t like it when …

Prince Harry on Talking

    When Prince Harry says, “When I offload my stuff to somebody else, I feel so much better, ” he speaks from first hand knowledge.  He wasn’t always that way, and he understand the value of talking in ways that only those who have stuffed their feelings for decades first can understand. He tells …