I was talking this morning with Dahlia Kurtz and Jon Ljungberg at CJOB about how parents can help kids with anxiety they may be having around school stress as they anticipate school starting in a couple of weeks. The upshot of our conversation is this:
- There is a wide range of “normal” when it comes to anxiety around school. It may be uncomfortable to have anxiety about starting school, but it’s not “wrong”. When anybody starts something new in a strange and unfamiliar environment, it creates a feeling of uncertainty at the unknown.
- Because it’s normal to feel anxiety, parents want to teach their children how to cope with the anxious thoughts and feelings. Elimination of anxiety is not the goal. This is part of the task of growing up is to learn to deal with uncomfortable feelings.
Children take their cues from their parents:
- How parents handle their anxiety in general is something the children watch. We want to work towards being the adults we want our children to become.
- How parents handle their children’s anxiety around school is important. When a parent gets anxious over their children’s anxiety, it can further feed into the child’s anxiety. When a child sees the parent freaking about them starting school, they they figure, “There really must be something to panic about”.
General strategies to help a child cope with those anxious feelings as they prepare to start school:
- Explore the parts of the school experience that particular frighten the child. Is it the new teacher? Is it a worry that they won’t make friends? Are they worried about being away from you as the parent all day. Knowing the specific fear will help you to develop effective strategies for that concern.
- Talk about how you have been anxious at the start of school when you were a child, or when you started a new job. Normalize the anxiety as an essential part of starting something new. Let the child know what you did to get through…and, most importantly, that you did get through.
- Remember what has helped your child get through stressful times in the past and do more of that. Does your child like rehearsal? Does your child find comfort in familiar things? Does your child do better when you review what is likely to happen? Does your child benefit from some distraction or long periods of being held and soothed?
Specific ideas that you can implement. Try one or two:
- Get into the “swing of things” several days before school, changing bedtimes and rising times to match school. Practice laying out clothes and going through the morning routine…even to the point of walking to the school.
- Together, enjoy the “fun parts” of getting ready like choosing colourful pencils and maybe a new outfit for the first day. This can’t remove the anxiety, but broadens the experience of preparing for school to be more than just about the fear.
- Explore symbols of comfort and/or strength the child finds meaningful and find a way for the child to have those along those early days. Maybe a little corner of their childhood “blankie” in their pocket, or a photo of a favorite teddy bear in their pencil case, or a lipstick kiss from mommy on a piece of paper.
- Have a play date with someone from the neighborhood that will be in the class, or play in the playground of the school, or see if the school is open the week before school…maybe the principal will let you in and wander the halls with your child to familiarize him/her with the smells and sounds and colors of the space.
- Plan for the first few days to be stressful. Expect a level of stress so that when it occurs, it’s only “normal” rather than needing to panic or feel badly for the inevitable anxiety on that first day.
Write a Comment