Too careful translates into wobbly

I rode my bike to the Smith St. office this week for the first time this year. Downtown.

I wear a helmet, and yet my mother asks me if I’m safe.

I’ve been an adult for a couple of decades now, and still my mother asks me if I’m safe on my bike.

Apparently, mothering never gets old.

Anyways, as I was riding down Broadway around lunchtime, the wafting of deep friend goodness, curry, and other spices wafted from the food trucks. Yum.

Yum, but tricky too.

As I was riding, there was one point where the bike lane got a little narrow at a red light. The chip truck was a little wider than the curb lane, and the pick up truck in the next lane had a wide set rear view mirror.

There was enough space to pass through with several inches on either side, and so I set through…but two trucks, and l’il ol’me squeezing through. It’s the sort of situation you don’t want to miscalculate, y’know what I mean?

So I slowed down to make sure I would do it carefully, I put on my brakes to be able to easy myself through carefully and cleanly and safely…but…

…but all I got was wobbly.

And my caution, intended to make me safer, actually suddenly made it hard to get through the narrow opening. And as I got wobblier, I got suddenly nervous…

…and nervous people on bikes…well, they get more wobbly.

Not. cool.

It was a harrowing few seconds but I made it through. Barely.

(Just don’t tell my mom, please!)

Excessive caution destroys the soul and the heart, because living is an act of courage, and an act of courage is always an act of love poster by Bergen And Associates Therapy in Winnipeg quoting Paulo Coelho

If all the mirror and the chip truck knew of my cycling was what they saw while I was squeezing in between, they would think they should take away my wheels. When anxious, my cycling plummets. When it was most important to be accurate was when I struggled the most to cycle steadily and confidently.

Relationships are like that too.

I’ve heard time and time again of what has happened when a couple in crisis is wrestling with tough stuff and one turns to the other to attempt to say something incredibly important and significant and…

…there’s time for a silent drum roll, a deep breath, and perhaps a nervous giggle…and…

It comes out pretty wobbly.

It comes out goofy.

Or sounds self-serving.

Or something cheesy out of a bad romantic comedy.

Nerves when the tension is high, and the stakes are higher has the best of intentions internally, have words come out flat, or wrong, or create “foot in mouth” disease instantly.

And it’s tempting to think that if “that is how the person is going to express themselves to me when I hand them a silver platter opportunity to try to repair this relationship then it’s truly hopeless and I give up now”

Quote by Anais Nin on a poster by Carolyn Bergen of Bergen and Associates Counselling that says, "Anxiety is love

All I’m saying is that when the tensions are running high…and tensions do run high in intimate relationships…actually highest in relationships that are of most importance…the ability to sail through speaking through a difficult topic articulately and clearly and lovingly is hard.

A defensive response is uttered reflexively before there has been thought
A lame excuse is given rather than a genuine expression of understanding and regret
A person tries to be loving, but it comes out vague, awkward and who-knows-what-was-really-meant-anyway

You know…it comes out wobbly.

That can be where it’s helpful to have a “do-over”. Acknowledging that the statement didn’t come out confidently from your best self. And with courage, a person tries again to be brave and kind and bold in the middle of the stressful situation.

Give each other some room for being wobbly in important discussions?

_{(oops…forgot my mom reads my blog…it wasn’t all that dangerous, mom…really!)}