One of the things I have always loved doing is walking knee deep in orange and yellow colored leaves…all the different shades of color that so vibrantly color the path in front of me can almost take my breath away.
However, as beautiful as they are, it’s hard for me to truly enjoy the beauty of these leaves. Because while they themselves are incredible…for me they signify that the bitter cold of winter is near. It takes deliberate effort for me to enjoy autumn in itself for what it is…the slowly changing color of leaves from greens to infinitely variable hues of yellow, orange and red; the crisp air; the occasional hint of smoke from a backyard wiener or marshmallow roast; the sounds of crunching underfoot. I have hard time appreciating all this for itself…because it forecasts the coming of winter…a season that finds my shoulders perpetually up by my ears bracing against the cold wintry blasts of freezing air.
I was on a run this morning in amongst the emerging fall beauty:
As I ran through the fall forest, I found myself reflecting on how we can avoid enjoying “the moment” fearing what we know comes next. We find ourselves unable to find pleasure in the now, because we are already in the dreading/grieving of what we know is coming:
- The last year of a child’s high school, knowing they launch into being away at college the following year
- Special times with loved ones in the hospital on a palliative care unit during the last days and hours of life
- The last weeks in a beloved house/city before the “big move”
No magic answers here…just an understanding between us of the tension of trying to experience present joy when that joy’s very presence is a foreshadow of more difficult/lonely times ahead.
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