Living Consistently to Your Words

I was at a basketball game the other day (not unusual) and sitting in the bleachers (my back may never completely recover from this bleacher filled season of my life) and enjoying the game (what’s not to love about watching kids enjoy themselves and visiting with parents at the same time?). This was a particularly competitive game (though some might say they all are), and the score was close (making it all that much more interesting). This was a long time rivalry between two neighboring schools (which meant that the enthusiasm had an even higher level than the usually high level).

A player from the blue team fouled a player on the red team. It meant a couple of free throws. One of the kids rooting for the red team cheered jubilantly. A parent from the blue team yelled over in disgust, “Don’t cheer when bad things happen for the other team!”

A little later, the red team played some great defense and a blue team player double dribbled…which means the red team gets the ball. Again, a red team fan hooted and hollered for the turnover…he was an enthusiastic child that was pumped that his team got the ball. Once again, the blue team mom called over, “It’s rude to cheer for mistakes of the other team.” I was situated in the middle between this drama…the blue team mother was sitting beside a red team mother and somewhat proudly and quite loudly proclaimed that she would never cheer for the misfortune of the other team like this boy did. She was outraged at the poor sportsmanship. She felt it ruined the experience for the rest of the people at the game.

By the time she was done, I wasn’t having much fun. My stomach felt a little sick and the good time I was having was colored by her grumpiness.

Her loud and vocal criticism of the other team’s fans–thinking how it spoiled the experience for others–well it spoiled the experience for me.

The red team fan was enthusiasm gone a little sideways…he didn’t know his cheering could be a problem, and the puzzled and hurt look on his face when she yelled was painful to watch. So, part of me was feeling this little sick feeling, and part of me was chuckling at the irony of her actions compared to her words.

However, it caused me to pause and wonder if my actions drown out my words and wonder if there are ways in which we each don’t intend:

• like asking someone in your life to come towards you in dialogue in a style that actually creates distance.
• like telling your kids not to yell so much, while you yourself have a raised voice!
• like wanting a relationship to work, hoping it will work, craving it to work, but doing nothing out of fear (and thereby looking disinterested)
• like wanting a close relationship with someone, but until it happens, fill the time with work or with sport or with __________(fill in the blank). Funny then, how you never quite get there.

What signals do you send out…and are they consistent with what you say?