Last night I was hurt by something that I thought my director had done. In the morning I wrote to her about this. She responded by saying that she hadn’t done that. I double checked and, sure enough, she was innocent. I felt like a jerk.[1] The irony is this: Even when I thought …
A Letter to Dahlia: TGDK
Dear Dahlia, Your signature, “TGPF”-Thank Good People Friday is something you are famous for in the city. You have made the city a kinder and gentler place, as you encourage people to express gratitude for a kindness they have received in their lives. Gratitude is a value we both share as vital…so today, for me, on …
#3 of Top 10: Gracious and Firm in Setting Boundaries
alternate working title: How to Say No to a Beatle It’s a delicate thing, saying no to a Beatle in 1966. There’s an art to it. First you have to say “Yes” to their request to teach them how to play classical Indian music. You happen to be in England anyway and it might be a …
Weighing the cost of overfunctioning…
My recent back injury taught me about the pain and discomfort when one set of muscles under function and another set of muscles compensate to overfunction. Underfunctioners often don’t realize that they are underfunctioning…they just aren’t awake in their life. They don’t realize others are looking after the practical and emotional demands in the world …
# 5 of Top 10: Play Catch-not Hardball-with your Loved One’s Emotions
Ok, I know this sounds about as deep as a Nickleback song, but stay with me here: Our emotions are like baseballs that we hope other people catch. Sometimes we throw them hard at people, “You suck! You’re fired!” Sometimes we throw them soft, “I had the worst day. Rub my feet???” Sometimes we throw …
#6 I’m sorry: Top 10 Healthy Relationship Skills
“Why should I apologize? She/he never does!” Have you ever said those words to yourself? I know I have. And it makes sense. Often it doesn’t feel fair to say “I’m sorry”. Often we are so hurt, that it’s hard to see that our words have been thoughtless, or our actions destructive. Instead of apologizing, …
#7 Dance Me to the End of Love: Top 10 Healthy Relationship Skills
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of, Dance me to the end of love -Leonard Cohen, from Dance Me to the End of Love That, up there, is my favourite lyric in all of music. It’s got rhythm like an ocean, the wisdom of a rabbi, and the soul of a lover. …
#8 The Third Side of the Coin: Top 10 Healthy Relationship Skills
There is a THIRD SIDE to every story just like there’s a third side to every coin.[1] The Canadian Quarter has a moose on the first flat side and the Queen on the second flat side. I would argue that living according to your values requires looking for the THIRD as much as possible. And …
FAQ’s about Boundaries
What is a boundary? Well, there are probably lots of ways to understand boundaries, for all kinds of contexts. In counselling, when we are looking at interpersonal boundaries, we define them simply as “what is OK and what is not OK”. That means personal boundaries might be different for different people? Absolutely. Ever have …
Top 10 Skills of Healthy Relationships: #10 Be the change
Check in weekly for Lindsey’s top 10 list…we will intersperse this series with other thoughts from therapists…tune in next week for #9. I’ve made a list of Ten Foundations of Meaningful Relationships I’ll be sharing these here over the next 10 weeks. If you want something (or someone) to change, begin by being that change …