A man’s greatest suffering, Stosny says, comes from the shame he feels when he doesn’t measure up—which is why discussing relationship problems (i.e., what he’s doing wrong) offers about as much comfort as sleeping on a bed of nails. from Oprah.com “Talking about feelings, which is soothing to women, makes men physically uncomfortable,” says …
The Power of Love
One privilege I have as a couples’ therapist is a front row seat to watching how one spouse can inspire, encourage, empower, believe in, support the other spouse in a way that uplifts, grows, develops, creates “more” in the other person. More confidence, more risking, more relaxing, better sleep, more laughter, just…well…more good stuff. …
Being the Right Partner
Marriage is not about finding the right person. It’s about becoming the right person. Elliot Katz, A divorced man whose done some thinking Psychology Today has a great article on marriage which I devoured the other day. It’s a fabulous piece that will likely be hard to read for those spouses who want to …
Marriage–Adventure of Perseverance
I was at a wedding on Sunday…it was beautiful. Wonderful. I love weddings. Powerful to all witness together the commitment of a man and woman to each other through thick and thin…as I look over the grey topped heads of those who know what that really means, and sit beside youngsters who are wide-eyed at …
How vs Why
Answering “why” is hard. The first experience with “why” that I remember sticks powerfully. I was a child…I think I might have been three or four. My brother and I were brushing our teeth at the bathroom sink…and the toothpaste cap slipped out of my fingers and it fell down the bathroom drain. It must …
“He’s just a guy”
I think this is beautiful: I realized for years I’d thought of love as something that would complete me, make all my troubles go away. I worshipped at the alter of romantic completion. And it had cost me, plenty of times. And it had cost most of the girls I’d dated, too, because I wanted …
Stayin Together 101 Part 4
The real cradle that holds the baby is the emotional climate between new parents. Many significant social problems [like violence] in our society can be traced back to this negative emotional climate in families. John Gottman I often tell couples who are struggling with the needs of a child who that are …
Stayin Together 101 Part 3
“The Master’s [of marriage] are repairing things effectively…they have crummy arguments, and they don’t follow communication rules, and they get defensive, and upset…but at some point…they can have a conversation where they can talk about it…repair…How can you make it better?… We could not predict the effectiveness of the repair from the nature of the …
Stayin Together 101 Part 2
Contempt is the sulfuric acid of love John Gottman I love the humorous sarcasm in this video…John gives words to an imaginary conversation that folks can have about the effectiveness of our contemptuous approach to others…it sounds so reasonable and realistic in a person’s head, and so utterly ridiculously funny when he gives it …
Staying Together 101
It’s a myth that if you solve all of your problems you’ll automatically be happy. We need to teach couples they will never solve most of their problems John Gottman John Gottman is a researcher/teacher/therapist that knows his stuff. He has researched many couples over many circumstances over many years. When he says something about …