I was at a wedding on Sunday…it was beautiful. Wonderful. I love weddings.
Powerful to all witness together the commitment of a man and woman to each other through thick and thin…as I look over the grey topped heads of those who know what that really means, and sit beside youngsters who are wide-eyed at the process, looking on in wonder and seeing hopeful and sincere commitment in full color.
After the music, the bride walking down the aisle with her parents, the groom and the bride meet at the front, an opening blessing, and the minister begins telling a story…
He tells the story of William Shackleton, an explorer who puts up an ad in 1914 asking for brave men who are willing to risk life and limb for an adventure…successful return unlikely. He had 5000 men apply, and from that selected a crew to travel with him on an Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition.
It was a difficult journey that did not go smoothly. The boat became trapped in ice, and after months was crushed and then sunk by ice. After months on ice floes, the crew travelled in lifeboats to Elephant Island, an inhospitable place. Shackleton and a few men got into a boat and worked to make it to the mainland…only to have to climb over difficult terrain and a mountain to get help. Several attempts were required to go pick up the last 22 men on Elephant Island.
All 22 men from Elephant Island made it back…but it was risky and brutally hard and long.
Strange way to start a wedding meditation.
The officiant compared marriage to this adventure…frought with danger, huge risk, requiring bravery…but possible.
Shackleton was determined, and didn’t give up. Against all odds, multiple challenges, and severe adversity, Shackleton determined to bring them all back alive: persistently, steadily, doggedly, indefatigably.
Marriage is hard. Really hard.
- It means hanging in there during tough times.
- It means showing up.
- It means crossing the room, even when everything in you wants to turn away.
- It means open up a hand to reach for another, when everything inside pulls one’s fingers to stay tightly clenched tight.
- It means taking a deep breath and working to understand and connect when every fiber of one’s being wants to defend oneself.
I spoke to one young friend this week, married only a few years, and she told me how she is just starting to get the “hard part” of marriage. She loves her husband deeply…but remarked how she could see that there were a few points even now, early in their marriage when she said, “There have been a few times when there was a tiny crack…and I had to make a choice, or we had to make a choice, about which route to take about that crack. I can see how there was a choice to make, and the choice was going to determine what would happen to that crack over the years.”
She made reference to their premarital counselling, and how some of those conversations came back to remind them about the hard but valuable road of investing in the relationship.
There is much in our culture that makes it difficult to marriage to last a lifetime. External pressures exist now that didn’t used to, and supports aren’t always as present as in days gone by.
It can be hard–brutally difficult–to make it through the crises of marriage…to enjoy the fruits of intimacy and closeness of having a partner in life’s journey.
William Shackleton worked and struggled with his commitment to do what it took to make sure everyone got home safely. It wasn’t easy, it was risky, but he persevered against all odds.
Here’s a toast to the couples who have that same sort of zeal to preserving and improving the life of their relationship…to bring it home safely to the end of life in a way that enhances the lives of husband and wife, children and community.
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