Lindsey Walsh completes his series of Top 10 Relationship Skills with this blog. The series has been a popular one. See the bottom to review the previous 9, if you’re interested in catching up on past entries in the series! “ [T]aking time to focus attention on the inner experience in the moment actually also makes us …
#2 of Top Ten: Practice Gratitude and Check your Facts
Last night I was hurt by something that I thought my director had done. In the morning I wrote to her about this. She responded by saying that she hadn’t done that. I double checked and, sure enough, she was innocent. I felt like a jerk.[1] The irony is this: Even when I thought …
#3 of Top 10: Gracious and Firm in Setting Boundaries
alternate working title: How to Say No to a Beatle It’s a delicate thing, saying no to a Beatle in 1966. There’s an art to it. First you have to say “Yes” to their request to teach them how to play classical Indian music. You happen to be in England anyway and it might be a …
#4 of Top 10: Imagine the Whole Game
“You’ll be an old grandpa. And I’m going to be a daddy.” – James Walsh, age 3, imagining the whole game. This post is about taking the long view and, thus, is the natural follow up to #5: Catch the Ball. In Catch the Ball we talked about the need to focus first on our …
# 5 of Top 10: Play Catch-not Hardball-with your Loved One’s Emotions
Ok, I know this sounds about as deep as a Nickleback song, but stay with me here: Our emotions are like baseballs that we hope other people catch. Sometimes we throw them hard at people, “You suck! You’re fired!” Sometimes we throw them soft, “I had the worst day. Rub my feet???” Sometimes we throw …
#6 I’m sorry: Top 10 Healthy Relationship Skills
“Why should I apologize? She/he never does!” Have you ever said those words to yourself? I know I have. And it makes sense. Often it doesn’t feel fair to say “I’m sorry”. Often we are so hurt, that it’s hard to see that our words have been thoughtless, or our actions destructive. Instead of apologizing, …
#7 Dance Me to the End of Love: Top 10 Healthy Relationship Skills
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of, Dance me to the end of love -Leonard Cohen, from Dance Me to the End of Love That, up there, is my favourite lyric in all of music. It’s got rhythm like an ocean, the wisdom of a rabbi, and the soul of a lover. …
#8 The Third Side of the Coin: Top 10 Healthy Relationship Skills
There is a THIRD SIDE to every story just like there’s a third side to every coin.[1] The Canadian Quarter has a moose on the first flat side and the Queen on the second flat side. I would argue that living according to your values requires looking for the THIRD as much as possible. And …
#9 The Reframe: Top 10 Healthy Relationship Skills
People often ask therapists for “tools”. We want tools to have better relationships with ourselves and with others. Perhaps the most important “tool” is the Re-frame. When we “re-frame” something we choose how we are going to perceive it. Parents and loved ones have some really good re-frames for situations. Like, when a baby is …
Top 10 Skills of Healthy Relationships: #10 Be the change
Check in weekly for Lindsey’s top 10 list…we will intersperse this series with other thoughts from therapists…tune in next week for #9. I’ve made a list of Ten Foundations of Meaningful Relationships I’ll be sharing these here over the next 10 weeks. If you want something (or someone) to change, begin by being that change …