…on a cloudy day. A dear friend remembers my loss years later with daisies that show up at my door annually. Bright, pure, innocent daisies that tell me she understands my grief that lingers years later. Beautiful, alive daisies that tells me she cares, and remembers. Daisies that have showed up at my door during …
Secondary pain after secondary loss
Pain is a funny thing. It can be hidden and sneak up and catch a person unawware. Years ago, back when I was young and foolish, I went to bed really really late one night…and had to get up really early for work. The night was going to be short…almost more of a nap than …
Helping You Cry
Years ago, I was in the hospital for a time, staying with crucially and dangerously ill people whom I loved who were not expected to “make it”. Laying vigil with imminent death nearby was painfully excruciating. Friends and family would drop by, as part of showing love and care, often wanting to “cheer me up”. …
Bittersweet Anniversaries
Anniversaries are often times of marking and celebrating…wedding anniversaries are a time to remember and celebrate the union of husband and wife. Often on those times, there is a special marking of the day, sometimes watching the wedding video, flipping through the photo album, or going out for dinner and remembering the day and the highlights …
Unspeakable Pain, Unspeakable Beauty
What does one do when one has lost everything? I had a chance recently to visit with some folks who have been through a lot. In late fall 2008, their house had burnt down. To the ground. Total loss. These are people in their senior years, and had a lifetime of memories in that household. …
Christmas Mourning
Totensonntag was a part of my childhood. The church of my childhood marked “Totensonntag” (toe-ten-zon-tahg) on the last Sunday of the church calendar year—the first Sunday of the church calendar year being the first Sunday of Advent—four Sundays before Christmas. So Totensonntag (directly translated from the German—“Dead Sunday”) was generally in late November. Totensonntag was …
Loving expansively
It is interesting to me that we are so captivated by what is essentially a capitalistic discourse of grieving. Listen to the terms we use. We should finish unfinished business. We need to seek closure. We ought to withdraw emotional energy from the one who has died in order to invest it into other relationships. …
Grieving
Today looked for many like an ordinary day. I too, looked like I was having an ordinary day…saw clients, made phone calls, dealt with issues, looked after administrative chores at work, and household chores at home. But it only looked ordinary. It didn’t feel ordinary. For weeks, there was an impending sense of waiting for …