All couples fight. Fighting doesn’t mean a bad marriage. In fact, fighting may be profoundly helpful for a marriage…it airs concerns, differences, slights, and hurt to allow for understanding. And understanding…knowing how your partner feels and having that matter…so you change your behaviour to better able to recognize your spouse…that’s huge. To think about: The essential …
January: Marriage make or break it month
I spoke with Eleanor Coopsammy on January 15, 1014 about revitalizing troubled marriages…to use January as a time for saying, “The marriage can’t continue like this. Let’s make it better.” January is known in family law as “Divorce month”. Few people initiate divorce in December…though I understand family law lawyers are often kept busy as …
Hump Day Nudge: Outrageously Foolish Love
There is something about a man who will do whatever it takes to delight his wife that gets me…like wow, when a guy is willing to be foolish to give his wife some humour at a time she really needs some. He doesn’t care what others think. He is bold and courageous. He’s got his …
The Marriage Hack
What if I told you a way to sustain the quality of your marriage could be done in 3 chunks of 7 minutes of writing three times a year..21 minutes to ensure your marriage doesn’t deteriorate? Would you do it? Sounds too good to be true? I love life hacks…simple strategies that can make a …
The Woman Cold
So…last post about the man cold…and this one about the woman cold. And now is when the woman say: What woman cold? There is no such thing as a woman cold. I don’t have time to be sick”. Yes. exactly. That would be the exact context of the woman cold. You see, women struggle with …
The Man Cold
You’ve seen this, or a version of it, while watching a commercial for cough syrup or cold symptoms, right? Some research suggests that women are biologically more sensitive to pain and therefore more likely to struggle during illness. Other research suggests that men have different temperature receptors in their brain and feel “rougher” during the …
Best tip: Reconnect when you notice disconnection
Find ways to reconnect emotionally when you notice a disconnection. Sounds obvious, huh? Well, it is, right now, because you’re not steamed, not feeling resentful, guilty, angry, or frustrated. And so you aren’t defensive, belligerent, argumentative, fearful, attacking or withdrawing. Relationships seem so obvious and easy when you’re calm and reading blogs, aren’t they? Not …
Anxiety creates distance
Think about the last time a person intimidated you…maybe he was someone you wanted to impress, or maybe he was very articulate, or maybe he was someone you really wanted to be liked by. The stakes were high…and you were scared. Quick, without thinking about it, how do you behave? I’ll tell you what many …
Marriage Rules
“Tell me what to do!!” I often get couples asking me what a healthy marriage looks like…what behaviors and strategies set them up for success. One of the questions I often ask couples is, “How do you know what you want your marriage to look like?” Increasing numbers of couples don’t have an answer …
Domestic Violence Part 3
I blogged here and here a few weeks ago about domestic violence…looking at the roots…understanding that our culture assists in shaping men’s behaviour towards violence. Gail Shaver, the therapist that works most closely with those who engage in our Transforming Destructive into Constructive-Intimate Partner Violence program reminded me that I missed something big in the …