Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.
I’ve had a few conversations lately with people who
- want to be closer to a spouse, and so they complain bitterly to them about how they aren’t home enough
- and no surprise, they aren’t home more after that
- want a teenage child to be less obnoxious and disrespectful, and so they berate them on how poor their behavior has been
- and no surprise, they don’t become more polite
- wish they themselves were less anxious and more successful, and so they beat themselves up internally about how awful they are
- and no surprise, their anxiety increases and their ability to perform well doesn’t happen
Why is our human pull to try to get what we need by dishing out exactly what it is we are trying to stop?
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