It’s not always the worst thing to be uncomfortable.
In fact, there is a place for discomfort.
Not very sensitive-seeming words for a therapist to be writing in her blog, huh?
Let me explain.
A few weeks back I was at Costco and saw this winter running shirt in a super fancy fabric that holds heat in and wicks moisture out, blah blah blah. It was very reasonably priced, and was supersoft and had a “wear me” invitation written all over it. Snow was coming. So I got it—and was eager to try it out.
The next time I went running, I put in on…over my running t-shirt, and under my running sweatshirt (which is under my weatherproof shell jacket). It was a beautiful late fall, unseasonably-warm day and I quite enjoyed the comfort of this soft shirt as I was running. I started off my run toasty warm, and I was loving the day.
About 10 minutes in, I was realizing that I was more than warm. 20 minutes in, well…it wasn’t rocket science to see that I was clearly overdressed for the day, and that the rest of the run would be uncomfortably warm…even with a little snow on the ground.
All runners who are reading this now, are thinking to themselves, “Any experienced runners know that you start off a run dressed for 10 degrees warmer than the actual weather.” For example, when it is -10 degrees Celsius, you dress for 0 degrees. I remembered that too…about 10 minutes into the run. It seems some things I am destined to relearn annually the hard way.
What happens when you start a run dressed for weather 10 degrees warmer than it actually is? It’s COLD!! I dislike being cold, and avoid it where possible. I need one powerful reminder every year in early winter that it is better to put up with a few minutes of discomfort at the beginning of a run until I get warmed up—the rest of the run is amazingly pleasant.
Isn’t a lot of life like that? I know that counseling certainly has that quality to it. Almost all people who make an appointment aren’t looking forward to the first session, especially the first few minutes of a session. Starting to talk to someone new is awkward enough, but then very quickly entering into tough areas that are full of pain is incredibly uncomfortable. Many contemplate their suddenly scratchy throat and look for an excuse to bail with the best of intentions, consider cancelling to avoid infecting the therapist. Some look at their work schedule and see the new project with the upcoming deadline and decide that she can use this an excuse to cancel the couple counseling that he has been pleading for her to attend she really must postpone because work is too busy.
Conversations can be like that too. How many of us at Christmas, avoided discussing something that rubbed us the wrong way because we wanted to keep things comfortable and pleasant over Christmas? How many do that during a date, or a special evening with family, or in a special relationship—avoid the awkward and uncomfortable. It’s pleasant…always pleasant…or at least doesn’t plunge into a painful space with somebody starting a discussion that’s uncomfortable.
In the short run, this pays off. But in the long run…the initial discomfort is paid for by a long term consequences of resentment, anger, unresolved pain, or unmet needs and desires.
I dare you…take the risk to start off a conversation in an uncomfortable way by plunging in to tough stuff. Start off 2010 taking care of an uncomfortable issue in your life—with conversations, with AA, with Weight Watchers, with a therapist, with an accountability partner. Let it be uncomfortable, and support yourself in the initial discomfort. Yes, you’ll regret your decision just before you start, you’ll want to back out, you’ll wonder if you made a mistake. That is a part of feeling the discomfort.
It’s a little like that feeling that a kid gets before he goes to camp for the first time, even when he’s been looking forward to it…the closer he gets to leaving, the more he wants to not go, he wants to have his mother tell him he can stay home. But his mom encourages him, supports him, listens to his fears…and makes him go anyways. When his mom goes to pick him up he run saunters out of the cabin and then he throws his arms around her and says, “I had the best time. Thanx for making me go even when I was scared.” he casually says, “Yeah, it wasn’t so bad. It was actually kinda fun”. (Who are we kidding, a kid isn’t going to admit this to his mom, especially with his friends watching. But that won’t make it any less true!)
Trust yourself to “warm up” to it, give yourself some time to get used to it, support yourself during those initial uncomfortable stages—they are SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable. That’s a normal anticipated part of the early stages of some endeavors.
Being uncomfortable, in a measured and supported way, is an important step to getting the best that life and relationships have to offer.
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