You see what you are looking for

I had a lot of fun with the video from my last post. I had a couple of people around the office view the video to watch their reaction. Wish I had a video camera on their reactions as they watched it for the first time. I realize that this is a familiar video for …

Marriage Maintenance Moments

Keeping a good marriage great is just as important as fixing the problems. I was reading Psychotherapy Networker the other day when I came across the issue of how therapists can help clients who have done some really good work on addressing problem areas in their marriage. Steven Stosny said in an the latest edition …

Compassion for the unfaithful??

When there has been an unfaithfulness in a relationship, it signifies a break in the covenant made on the wedding day to remain faithful to each other…that is a problem. Not a little one, either. A big problem. However, it is often a symptom of something else. Seeing it as a symptom doesn’t make the …

Boundaries and Connectedness after Infidelity

I admire Jenny Sandford, Mark Sandford’s wife. Mark Sandford is the governor of South Carolina. Mark Sandford’s infidelity with an ongoing relationship with another woman was splashed across the headlines is the last few weeks. She lets us in enough to know that in private is dealing with the devastating effects of her husband’s infidelity, …

Pain and Grace in Infidelity

South Carolina governor, Mark Sanford, was forced to make his affair with an Argentinian woman public after he disappeared for several days. Apparently, it’s not a good idea to tell your staff you are going to the Appalachians and then actually go to Argentina without being reachable. People get concerned and start asking nosy questions. …

A Private Affair: Go for it!!

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurt past it. (Soren Kierkegaard.) Read aloud, and tell your partner what you think about what this quote says or suggesting. A question from A Private Affair While friendship has been found to be the most vital component to keeping marriage alive and vital, sex …

Lies We tell Ourselves.

Picture this: A woman lying on the floor flexing her legs up towards the ceiling, so she is in an L-shape. Resting on her feet is an upside down scale. Near her toes, is the readout…which predictably (as it is resting ON top of her feet, rather than bearing her weight UNDER her feet) the …

Open the door to a heart that you’ve hurt

I was flipping through the radio stations today while I was in the car…and I heard a song I’ve never heard before. I stayed on the station for the rest of the song, because the lyrics caught my attention: sitellite/util/snippets (code=ae5406abd3b67139d5c5ec0cd43d1334) Being in the “troubled marriage” business, means that I work with couples who are …

A Different Kind of Love Song

One of the wonderful parts of my life is the chance to see couples come in and work through stuff…couples committed and in love with each other. Couples who have a connection with each other that has them decide to work on things, because not working on them is not an option. Couples who are …

Happily Married?

John Gottman, author and renowned respected scientist of attachment theory, states that people who stay married live four years longer than people who don’t. Further, couples that are happily married (as evidenced by numerous scientific measurements over the course of two days and a night) show a greater proliferation of white blood cells in response …