This past week was a dream of a lifetime come true.
All my life, I have wondered what it would be like to have a week all to myself at an all inclusive resort. Able to eat when I want, sleep when I want, read a lot. All on my own schedule. The dream, in my wildest moments involved sandy beaches by the ocean and warm sun away from the frigid weather of my home.
This week was a pipe-dream come true. Something I never imagined would happen. An utter fantasy. And it did.
During the decade I was a single mom, life was full and intense. Even vacations were a juggling act to make sure this child got to do this, and that child got to do that. I loved it, but even on vacation “me time” was as rare as a three dollar bill.
When I married Husband, it was full and beautiful. But people around. All. The. Time. As an introvert, I feel like quiet solitude is more precious than gold. Husband is SO GOOD at giving me space when I need it.
I love Husband and spending my days with him–very much. It comes naturally to spend lots of time with him, and to mold my life to fit into the shape of his, even as he does the same for me.
I co-create my life with him.
I have always fantasized about what it would be like to not co-create a schedule with anybody.
Without a shred of resentment, Husband blessed me to be away this week. He cooked and cleaned and carpooled and hosted and everything that we usually do together–he did it all on his own.
While I enjoyed a week.
All. By. Myself.
I read and wrote and slept and swam and enjoyed the sun. Rinse and repeat. It was awesome. Doing what I wanted, when I wanted to do it.
Without consulting anyone, without collaborating or cooperating.
Yesterday, I was in the ocean, trying to capture the feeling of being rocked by the waves with the sun on my face. A mental snapshot that I wanted to freeze with all the sensations so that I could re-create it at home in the snow.
I closed my eyes to focus on all the feelings and sounds of the water and the sun and the ai
r around me and focused.
the wind in my hair
the cool water around me
the gentle up and down of the waves
the suns warmth on my neck
the calls of children and the distant sound of a motor boat in the background
I wanted to soak in the moment.
This moment. Right now. In Dominican Bay, in the ocean, late afternoon.
There was one more feeling inside of me at that present moment that surprised me: a burstingly gentle feeling of love and gratitude for Husband and family. Of appreciation for having them in my life, for being loved and cared for.
I tried to turn away from that feeling because it didn’t feel in the moment. They were on another continent and I wanted to focus on the now.
And that’s when I teared up.
It didn’t go away when I refocused on what I was feeling in that very second.
Because my love for them, and theirs for me, was part of that moment.
Is part of this moment.
It warmed me, more than the Dominican sun creating a burn on my neck.
I think I always knew, but I felt it in the core of my being that made me light headed, and yet more solid in a fresh way.
We are wired for connection. We need each other.
I may have been alone this week, but it was an alone-knowing-these-people-are-waiting-for-me-and-it-still-matters-to-them-that-I-exist.
That’s a very beautiful kind of alone.
This week was beautiful. And relaxing. I am refreshed.
A dream come true, in one way.
And now I go home to my actual dream come true–the best one of all. Husband who loves me. My children who delight me. A family whom I love.
To a place where I belong.
**And Husbands…if you are looking for ways to love on your wife, to draw her close, to make yourself absolutely irresistible to her…send her away for a week. Trust me on this.