They don’t have to be fancy. They don’t have to be long.
They just have to show her you thought of her.
We all struggle with the feeling of not feeling good enough, of not being lovable. Part of our heads know otherwise, but a little reassurance goes a long way.
Active, thoughtful, spontaneous actions that express that love help it sink a little deeper into a person’s soul…
Husband needs less sleep than I do. And on Saturday mornings, I generally catch up a few hours on the sleep I got shortchanged over the week. Husband gets up and reads, and thinks, and prays in a chair by the window.
This Saturday morning, I was just getting up just as he was heading out the door for carpool duty. He brought me a mug of latté, as he often does in the morning. (Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he really does so regularly. I promise you, bringing your wife a hot beverage in the morning is a tender act of love that will be an investment in your marriage. It will make it stronger and better for both of you).
As he left the room, I noticed a piece of paper taped to the side of the mug. A single sentence expressing his love for me on it.
<Insert happy sigh here>
He’s not a poet. He’s not particularly eloquent. Nuthin’ fancy. Sincere and short. From the heart. He was straight up telling me he loved me, and expressing gratitude I was a part of his life.
I loved it.
You see, as a woman, I’ve been the note writer. I write to let my colleagues know I appreciate them. I write the note on the card thanking a host for having us over. I write little notes to my children when they’ve gone to Grandma’s house for the week or to camp. I write the notes for the treasure hunt we’ve had since the Junior Tribe Members could read. I’ve written tons of notes for other people…they appreciate it.
He’s written me beautiful cards, absolutely…but this was a note. That’s somethin’ special.
A sweet, unexpected, unprovoked note.
Not for Valentine’s Day. My birthday is months away. No reason for a note.
Except he loves me and wanted me to know it. On a regular ol’ Saturday.
Later on in the day, when I pulled out a can of my favourite soda from the fridge, there was another note on it. Then, in the evening, when I was puttering in the kitchen doing some baking, a piece of paper came up out of the sugar in the measuring cup, with something about how sweet he finds me.
When I went to brush my teeth, there was still another note about my smile.
Next day, as I’m taking my shoes off, I realized I missed that note in my shoe going in and I’d been walking on it all morning.
I left it in my shoe for today. I kinda liked the idea of having that note close by all day.
You might think I’m still a starry eyed bride. Or he’s a love-struck husband. That we are still silly newlyweds.
Go ahead. Think that.
I’m thinking it’s his gratitude. I’m alive. I’m healthy. We had bought paint the night before and planning on painting the afternoon away in the basement, along with grocery shopping and some advance cooking. We were in the middle of a regular and busy weekend–a household full of life and action.
On Saturday morning, Husband was loving a regular life made possible by a healthy wife–one that isn’t in remission on powerful drugs, or facing the next round of chemo. Health…and the fun bustle of an active life is not a given for him. The time he had spent some time reading and thinking and praying on Saturday morning had this burst of loving creativity. It came out of this sense of gratitude and love for me.
He adores me…and he let me know it.
Men…if you knew how big a deal that this is for women, you would surely do it more often.
So…here’s a challenge to husbands…heck…let’s challenge all partners: How can you let your spouse know that s/he is adored. Here are the guidelines:
- Do it today (don’t wait for Valentine’s Day–that’s too obvious and contrived)
- Take less than 10 minutes to do it
- Do it for a budget of $0. Use only what you have handy in the office/shop/home.
- Make it a surprise so s/he happens upon it
- Put it in your smart phone as an alarm on your day timer to do it again in two weeks or a month…with the same rules.
Leave it on her pillow, behind the wheel, in her coffee cup, on the bathroom mirror.
Write a note, set the coffee maker, put out a bowl and cereal for the next morning, pour a bubble bath or serve a glass of wine. Light a candle. Fold a piece of paper into an origami. Fly a paper plane with a note on it in her direction. Use your imagination.