You know those times which none of us want to admit having, but we all do. The ones where we are glad the windows are shut and the curtains drawn because there exists a side of us we’d just rather not admit to anyone?
Yeah, Sabrina Friesen had one of those mornings. Today.
Sabrina is refreshingly honest about herself and her feelings in a way that helps her be the author of her life…and allows her to connect with her kids even when, sometimes especially when, they are pushing her buttons. She stays curious about what’s going on inside of herself and those she’s cares about…and that curiousity pays off!
And she was kind and generous enough to let us in her her morning. She’s brave…and she gives us all permission to acknowledge out loud that mornings like this exist for all of us…and in so doing, our own compassion and empathy for others (and ourselves) expands.
I think that’s one more reason why she is one of my favourite people!
Before I even got out of bed this morning I knew it was going to take work to not be a total drag today. I woke up ornery and crampy and in a generally unpleasant mood. I recognized how I was searching for things to be mad at Husband about…and without meaning to, finding reasons to justify my all over rottenness.
An early wake up, a rude request for pancakes, and a very strong desire to stay in my bed all day made getting up tricky. But I put on some coffee and vowed to put my grown up panties on and was ready to make pancakes.
I fought the urge to be snarky and said ‘yes’ to a request to play Lego when all I wanted was to drink coffee without talking. I was determined, through sheer will, to turn the day around. It was a conscious and intentional decision that I was making again and again in the few minutes I had been up.
And then the girl crumpled a coloring page and proceeded to lose her shit. A full out tantrum of epic proportions. And then she began to carve out a path of destruction and unmake beds, empty drawers of clothes, and kick and yell and snark. Parenting her has taught me how to breathe deep and calm myself. It often works. Today it took so very much to not yell in her face.
As I was hiding in the shower I was silently lamenting how much work she is to parent, and was silently grateful for what she has taught me (by necessity) about learning how to calm my own intensity.
And then I realized that we were having the very same kind of day.
We both were tired and cranky and moody.
We both wanted to lash out and be mad at someone for our rotten mood.
And I thought of how much intentional work it is for the adult me to not lose my shit on those I love – and then wonder how possibly a 5 year old would ever know how to do that.
And then places of compassion and tenderness open up in my heart when I realize how she is not trying to be difficult, she’s just having big ugly feelings, and I realize how hard she must be working to not be a total wench all of the time.
Cue a giant exhale. Feelings are hard, whether you’re 5 or 30something. It is not fair of me to expect her to master skills that I myself am still fumbling with.
Time for hugs and love and deep breaths all around.
May this be a day of hugs and love and deep breaths all around for you and yours, too!