I like the hope that today brings, even though I don’t so much like today for what it is.
Let me explain. I love sunshine. It’s always been important for me to have big bright windows in my home. No heavy curtains for me…let the sun shine in!
I love going for walks in the sunshine, hanging out in a backyard on a sunny day.Being a mental health professional, I understand the value of light on our bodies…how we actually feel better when we’ve been exposed to sunshine.It’s a physiological thing, and an emotional/psychological thing.
So winters are hard…the cold is one thing, but the darkness is a whole ‘nother ball of wax.I wake up in the dark to go to work, and it’s still not bright when I leave for work.Often it’s already dusk before I leave work…and I’ve missed the whole day of sunshine if I didn’t have to run between the university and the therapy office at some point in the day.
And then life gets to feeling kinda dark.
Today is the day when there is the least sunshine of any day in the year.I think of it as the So-Low-That-Down-Is-Up day.And so I look forward to today, because tomorrow is a day with more sunshine, more light, more brightness.And the day after that is more, and the day after that is yet more.And so on.
For me, as hard as the really rough times of my life have been, these have also been times when I can start to have some hope…cuz once the bottom has fallen out, there really is no place but up.Being on the bottom of the pit means there no farther to fall…while it’s terrible to be at the bottom of the pit, there’s a small comfort in knowing that it won’t get worse.
I remember at one critical moment of my life thinking, “As rough as the next 6 months will be, they will be better than the last 6 months”.
- When a spouse, after months of sitting on the fence in the relationship, makes a determined and clear action that says, “I’m not coming back”
- When a loved one, after months of debilitating illness and significant pain, passes away
- When after years of financial struggle of trying to make a business work, the end is clear.It’s over. The business is done. Bankruptcy is now.
All of these are brutally hard. They are all an irreversible “bottom”. Yuck. Very painful. But they signify an end to what can seem like an interminable time of difficulty. The day after these sorts of life experiences don’t feel any better, neither the next week. But the worst has happened. Tomorrow will be one day when it won’t be worse than today.
So, today, I find comfort in that we hit the bottom and turn the corner on sunshine…for the next six months, each day will be incrementally longer than the last.The only change that will be perceptible tomorrow is my inward knowledge that it is longer…I won’t actually be able to feel the difference during the day.However, the days will turn into weeks, and soon I will be able to feel that the evening’s daylight is noticeably longer.
The hope of turning a corner…today I’m feeling it.