Sexual Frequency Are we normal?

When people find out I have an educational background in sexuality it’s only a matter of time until I get asked a question that in some way boils down to “….am I normal?”

And while there are tonnes of different questions that I have been asked over time, the one question I get over and over again is this:

How often are “normal” couples having sex?

It’s my personal opinion (and I’m sure many others would agree) that the quality of sex matters more than how often you’re having it.

After all, who wants to have bad, boring, or unsatisfying sex everyday?

That being said, I’ve talked with plenty of people who worry that there is something wrong with their sex life because they are not having as much sex as they should.

And how much sex they should be having is based on an idea of how much sex they think everybody else is having.

The reason I sometimes share information about sexual frequency norms with my clients is because it is not be as much as you think.

So how much sex is everyone else having?

**Most couples have sex about once (and, sometimes, maybe twice) a week.**

But that’s not all! It’s one thing to report how often couples are having sex, but does this mean they are happy?

Are they sexually satisfied?

Again, the answer is YES!

Researcher Dr. Muise and her colleagues at the University of Mississauga recently conducted a study exploring sexual frequency and reported happiness of couples:

Couples who had irregular sex (e.g., once a month or less) reported being less happy, and
Couples who had sex once a week reported being very happy,
Couples who had more frequent sex (e.g., sex every other day) were no happier than couples who had sex once a week.

What’s the take away from all of this?

Well, if you’re like many of the couples I work with you might be somewhat relieved to hear that you’re having sex around the “normal” amount of sex.

But, if that’s all couples needed to hear I would be saying goodbye after one session (which is hardly ever the case). 🙂

And usually it’s because of questions along these lines:

“Okay, we’re ‘normal.’ My partner and I have sex about once a week (or maybe even more) but I don’t find the encounters that satisfying. My desire is low or non existent and I’m having sex to satisfy my partner or because I feel like I should.”

Or, on the other hand:

“We’re having sex somewhat regularly, but I feel like my partner is only having sex with me because they think they should. It’s not satisfying because I don’t want to have sex with a partner who isn’t into it.”

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: