Well, Day 1 is finished in San Antonio…I am taking the certification for The Daring Way (TM) cirriculum with Brene Brown. Her Ted Talk has millions and millions of views…because she talks about the feeling of being “not good enough”, vulnerability and authentiticy in a way that equips people to live richer, fuller, more connected lives.
Her stuff makes sense to me…and to the folks that I talk to in session, in workshops, presentations, etc. It matters, and it’s relevant. It’s evidence based…meaning she only teaches others what her research with ordinary people who talk to her tell her. She combines the results of what 1000’s say…and gives us a language to talk about the things that get in the way of living fully, and about the things that enhance joy, creativity, connection, and love.
Day 1 gives the following insights:
- Don’t bother curling your hair in San Antonio. The humidity makes any effort spent on hair irrelevant. Good thing the other participants are already good at being accepting and kind!
- Helping folks do the work of dealing with the feeling that they are not worthy of love and belonging (i.e. shame) means that all leaders have to do the work too. We are all in this together. I, along with all the other therapists and coaches be doing the same work I will do with participants in the future. That’s one of the things I love about shame resilience theory is the integrity of it…we all struggle with shame. We all want to live wholehearted lives. Therapists are just fellow folks on the same journey.
- Sometimes you just need to give yourself permission to be real to enter more fully into the experience. And giving yourself permission to be goofy, imperfect, to mess up, to be scared and be seen anyways helps. A lot.
- You get out what you put in. The Daring Way is about entering the arena when you’re scared, and instead of armoring up, you show up and be seen. And when you show up with courage, you feel most fully alive. I’ve been practicing this…and did again today. It was a large room, and I sat at the front…about 10 feet away from Brene, our teacher today. She often looked at me when she talked, as she made eye contact with participants. When our group needed a spokesperson to the larger group, and no one jumped to volunteer, I said I would do it…and I did. When Brene asked me to come to the front to demonstrate something, I did. My usual “armoring up” style would be to sit in the middle of the pack somewhere–anonymously, with a cool kind of “I’m not an eager beaver” sort of personae. It would have been safer, but it wouldn’t have been such fun, and I wouldn’t have any opportunity to interact with her.
- A person is braver and less fragile when s/he holds their values front and center. If I believe in something, I will forge forward and do it because I know it to be the right thing, and it will matter less what other people think. Other’s judgements of me will become less important, because I know that aligning myself with my values will have me fall asleep peacefully, even if I should get some feedback that is uncomfortable.
- These Texans are larger than life, and kinder than kind. They know where the best Mexican food is, which also happens to be accompanied by the funnest mariachi bands going from table to table serenading forcefully. There is much laughter and clapping and singing from everybody. And Mark, the Texan, who led us to restaurant, insisted on walking me back to the hotel, laughing loudly and often…and loudest at his own jokes. And when I got turned around and we had to walk extra to find it, he insisted I’d done him a kindness because it helped him walk off his enchiladas. After he and another new friend dropped me off, they had to walk the mile back to their hotel, and they were totally cheerful about it. And I was totally humbled by the Texan hospitality.
- Being part of a large group of therapists/social workers/coaches/organizational development types and watching them sing “Ode to Joy” in German is both hilarious and holy simultaneously
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