The Cookie Lady

Sometimes, you just watch something that looks sweet and feels great to see…and it reminds a person to be generous, walk humbly, and remember the big picture.

I was at a high school boys basketball game on the weekend. Sweaty adolescents with too much testosterone scrapping it out to win. Played hard. Each team wanted the win. One team was clearly the stronger one–and not the team I was cheering for. We lost–by a fair bit, but it was a tough game, neither team giving an inch. Fans cheered animatedly–rooting hard for their team. Including the cookie lady.

After the game, the cookie lady went over to the bench.

I’ve seen her before…and I’d heard she made cookies for our team. But she had TWO containers of cookies…more than it seemed one basketball team…even very hungry adolescent boys could (or should) eat after a game. So when I saw her the next day, I asked her about the second container. And she said, “It’s for the other team”.

The Opposition.

They got cookies too. Cool, huh?

So I asked her what their reaction was, thinking the other team would find it odd and strange to be given cookies by a mother of the opposing team…and she said, “Oh, they expect it. I’ve been doing this for my kids’ teams for many years.” Every game at every tournament, she makes cookies…for her son’s team, and for the opposing team. Some of these opposing teams have been munching on her cookies for 6 or more years now. She said that she has watched referees’ eyes light up when they come into a gym to find out that this particular team is playing…cuz they know they get cookies too.

These are big, yummy homemade deals with M&M’s in them, or something else equally decadent, depending on the day. People love ‘em. The super amazing part is she has had up to 3 kids in three different tournaments some weekends. That’s a lot of cookies. But she has the biggest smile on her face when she talks about it.

I asked her how she got started—she told me the story. When one of her sons played basketball on a community team as a very young athlete, he was on a team of athletic boys that had a lot of skills, but weren’t winning very often, because the players were each working on improving their own individuals stats. After a game when she brought cookies as a first time treat, they asked for more another time. The next game she showed up and said, “The cookies are here. Waiting for you. You can have them if you win. And you can win, but you will need to pull together and play as a team to accomplish that. And then you can have these cookies.”

They pulled together. They won. They got the cookies.

And a tradition was born…the cookies became part of celebrating being a team at the end of a game…and have long been given regardless of the outcome of the game.

And to both teams…the Opposition gets’em too.

There’s a lesson in that for all of us, isn’t there? The opponent of the game doesn’t have to be “the enemy”…rather the team we get to have fun against, improve our skills against, and learn something from. Wouldn’t that change how people disagree, if you remember that an argument is part of a larger picture where we live in the same world; are, in all probability, a whole lot more similar than different; and ultimately often have the same goals?

• I see parents fighting with each other how to raise their kids…both are concerned for the child and want the best for the child…just have different ideas about how to approach a situation.
• I see a husband pull away because he doesn’t want his wife to worry about him and the depression he is experiencing. He hides it because he cares about her, and doesn’t want to burden her. She angrily chases him because it is so hard to be shut out…because she cares about him, and about them as a couple.
• I see a couple fight viciously about spending money. One wants to borrow money for that vacation, while the other wants to tighten their belts and conserve money prudently…both want the best for their family…but each is so bent on winning their agenda, they fail to realize that each has a different strategy of reaching the goal of doing what’s optimal for the family.

How different this world would be, if ahead of time, we “baked cookies” for the opposition…knowing in advance, that we had every intention of offering a genuine kindness to the other with a smile on our face at the end of the game.

I realize that life isn’t as simple as a basketball game…the complexities can be a whole lot harder and more complicated. Alcohol, out of control anger, and irrational behavior on the part of the other make the situation far less than ideal. I get that.

However, many situations can be turned around when approached in a spirit that encourages lively competition or debate, that challenges ideas with vigor, that involves spirited discussion to come up with an optimum solution—and then has cookies or the equivalent to wrap it up.

High school basketball is more than who wins that particular game…it’s about having fun, team building, skill development, character building…and cookies for both teams remind us of that. Life is more than who wins that arguement…it’s about connecting meaningfully and deeply in relationships, it’s about valuing self and others in a way that encourages honest dialogue without alienating or abandoning…what reminds you of that in your important relationships? Do you need to bake some cookies?