To the readers from Swaziland, Argentina, Chile and Peru who were on this website yesterday…if you come back today…you may well not understand the internal feelings of winter doldrums I describe today. But if you were among the visitors from Norway, Poland, or Winnipeg, you can probably understand where I’m coming from.
It’s been cold around here lately..
cold temperatures with windchills added to that. And snow. Lots of it. Seems everyday, there’s more to scrape and shovel. I live in a white world…lots and lots of whiteness. Between the loads of snow that need moving, and the amount of stress induced by bracing oneself for the cold as I go in and out of the car, and the vast expanses of “white” everywhere the eye looks—it can feel bleak.
So, yesterday, when I went grocery shopping, I saw daisies…beautiful, big, colorful ones. And my eyes drank them in, and I stood there, debating…I wanted them, but flowers are usually something I buy for other people. Who buys flowers for themselves??
And then I had a conversation with myself about where life was at…I was dashing in the grocery store in between the morning driving and the afternoon driving. I had yet to prepare for a meeting I was chairing that evening. It was a busy week of teaching preparation, and so I’m behind on getting ready for the full week ahead. The cold white weather will be around for a while. I was feeling a little heavy in my soul, and these daisies had this amazing effect on me. Maybe it was a good idea? Did I dare to buy them…for me??
I stood there, debating, remembering a line I read sometime ago:
When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.
~Chinese Proverb
Ironically, part of my purchases that trip were a couple of loaves of bread—my assigned contribution to the meeting that night.
Buying flowers for oneself is splurge…one that had me almost take them back to the container on my way to the checkout counter. Feeling a little guilty for indulging myself. Many of us were raised to be thoughtful and kind to others, but received messages that kindness to oneself is some sort of evil selfishness.
Then another part of me remember
about a line I repeat to clients on occasion… “Put on your own oxygen mask first”. In the midst of the white world that affects my soul, I still want to be colorful and alive and meaningfully connected to those in my tribe. There was this little moment realizing that the effect these flowers had on me in the store could continue throughout the week! And then, I would probably be an easier person to live with…maybe even a better person to live with. With those daisies putting “gas in my tank”, I could give to those around me easily, rather than having to “dig deep”, as can happen at this white, cold time of year for me.
I think those around me can actually tell the difference, even if I don’t want to think they can: when I am scraping bottom and being pleasant through gritted teeth, or when I am genuinely seeking to connect in authentically rich way?
How much more do I enjoy life when my “tank” is not running on fumes…can I give myself permission to create the opportunity that fills that tank…if for no other reason than I am enriched?
So…you guessed it…I bought the flowers:
Beautiful–aren’t they? Two on my table, one on the counter in the kitchen now…bright, vibrant, vivid splashes of color that lift my soul whenever I look at them…and I look often.
I get that flowers don’t do it for everybody…I’m not suggesting everybody run out and grab some colorful blooms. But…what “fills your tank” and when’s the last time you invested in yourself? Some of you are good at this…for others, it’s been a long time.
So…for those of you who are overdue…go take a bubble bath, or tinker in your workshop, read a non-business book for the sheer pleasure of indulgent reading, light a candle, squeeze some orange juice from fresh oranges—and drink it from a champagne flute. Do something to restore your soul.
Who buys flowers for themselves?
ME!
…and this week…maybe, just maybe– you too??
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