My hard drive crashed last week.
On Friday afternoon, after a fabulous 2 day workshop during which I typed copious notes onto my laptop, after I prepared a lengthy presentation, after I had nearly completed writing a couple of blog entries, the computer froze.
The Apple Genius (confident types, those self-named-guys are) knew how to fix my computer…he put in a new hard drive and I’m fully operational. Their brilliance did not extend to figuring out how to reclaim all the information from the original hard drive.
I had a back up on an external hard drive. Unfortunately…when times are good, some things slide…and this was one of them. I use my computer daily, often for much of the day…and I’ve never had a hard drive problem. So I hadn’t backed up in a month.
Took it for granted it would always be there. It felt so reliable…until it wasn’t.
And then I felt sick to my stomach that I hadn’t attended to the details more closely. I took for granted that my hard drive would always be there. 20/20 hindsight was SO helpful in seeing this clearly—but so NOT helpful in having me be able to do anything about it.
Relationships can be like this…a person relies on a partner or a friend, counting on history and track record that it will last forever…which has a person become complacent.
Not exactly lazy…at least not on purpose.
But the effect is that the relationship isn’t maintained and nurtured…the other person looks at the energy and resources you put into making the relationship work…or lack of energy and resources. Before you even know it, it’s years since you’ve brought flowers, or made a special cake, or offered a back rub at the end of a day, or dropped a little note in the mail. And the other feels ignored and neglected, and the relationship hasn’t been “backed up” in a long long time.
And when the bottom drops out…it feels hurtful and sad…and you hustle to reverse the effects: to apologize for your negligence, to have your actions reflect your true feelings (which maybe even you weren’t aware of until suddenly the other is gone), to let the other know of your love and care.
Only it’s too late.
Do a relationship check. Ask your partner…”On a scale of 1-10, how much energy do you notice I put into ‘us’?” or “Can you tell how much I care about you?”. A relationship check with a subsequent recalibration is a little like a “computer backup”.
Don’t get caught figuring out what’s important when it’s too late. If someone pulls you over to read this blog entry, ask him/her why you’ve been shown it…and take it seriously.
And folks…if you and I have arranged a meeting since February 2nd, or we’ve been working on something since February 2nd, please forgive me if I miss it…it was lost on my hard drive. I apologize now.
I’ve backed up my computer three times this week…and it’s Wednesday. I won’t be forgetting now. Learned my lesson—will stay on top of things and not take things I rely on for granted. Painful lessons make things easy to remember.
Learn from my pain…don’t wait until you have your own!
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