When the urgent takes precedence over the important in our lives, we lose ourselves in the process. The pace of our lives can stop us from being who we know we are, who we really want to be.
I was listening to a discussion the other day regarding a study outlined by Malcolm Gladwell in his book The Tipping Point, done by psychologists at Princeton Seminary. Eric Nehrlich writes of it like this:
They asked each seminarian “to prepare a short, extemporaneous talk on a given biblical theme, then walk over to a nearby building to present it. Along the way to the presentation, each student ran into a man slumped in an alley, head down, eyes closed, coughing and groaning. The question was, who would stop and help?” (p. 164) The researchers included three variables: (1) the background of the subject – whether they had entered seminary as a way of helping people or not, (2) which parable they were to prepare – several were given the Good Samaritan parable as their subject, and (3) a time context, saying either that they were running several minutes late and should hurry up, or that they were early and had some time to spare.
The results were astonishing, at least to me. The first two variables had no effect. Whether somebody had devoted their life in service to their fellow man, or even whether they had just been reminded of the value of altruism by preparing a speech on the Good Samaritan [a story which celebrates the one who stops to help a wounded and traumatized man at the side of the road], had no effect on whether they stopped and helped. “The only thing that really mattered was whether the student was in a rush. Of the group that was, 10 percent stopped to help. Of the group who knew they had a few minutes to spare, 63 percent stopped.” (p. 165)
The researchers checked which variable would make the difference to see who stopped to help the needy–background, sermon text, and so on–none, except the amount of time, was found to be significant. The amount of time a student had made a huge difference to how well they were able to live according to their values.
It is ironic that people preparing for the ministry, and committed to spending their lives in services to others would be so eager to deliver a message on being the Good Samaritan, that they don’t take the time to be a Good Samaritan. I feel a wry smile cross my face at the thought.
There is a growing discomfort in the dawning realization that if I was in that situation, I suspect that I would be among the 90% who would not stop in the rush to get there on time. The discomfort grows as I reflect upon the last week, rushing from client to lecture to meeting to carpool, that I have missed moments that were important.
- I drove past the lemonade stand at the corner near my home…I like to support small business—and lemonade stands are the smallest of businesses by little people who could use the encouragement. I was too busy to stop.
- I was invited out for coffee by friends I’d like to get to know better—grocery shopping was calling my name so I declined. When might I get another opportunity?
- Reminds me of a spouses I’ve met who love their mates dearly, but by the time put in 60 hours at the office, volunteer at the club, help out their parents, and go for a round of golf, there is nothing left…and there is no way for the mate to know that their presence is truly valued.
- Does it remind you of a relationship or value which is important to you, but someone looking at your life might never guess because of the lack of focus on it?
So today, as I was thinking about blogging about this, I was tired and had a headache and we had no milk in the house. I thought about jumping in the car to dash out to get some (so I could get my tasks done sooner), and then reminded myself of the beautiful evening and how much I enjoy these evenings and how rare these evenings are this time of year. As I started out on foot for the jaunt to the corner store, I felt the fresh breeze on my face, and realized that it helped clear my head, and it didn’t hurt so much. I ended up taking a creative route to the store to enjoy the beauty of the evening, and landed up at home feeling refreshed. It was worth the time.
I’m not all the way there…but I’m committed to the process of continuing to work to create the space in my life to allow me to live the life that feels synchronous with my values and my being. To be able to be transparent about what is important to me because that is how I live my life. To be able to have the free space in my life to be open to opportunities that are unexpected and delightful, that fit with who I am, that can take the time to show the important people in my life that I am available and responsive to them.
I’m not all the way there…but I’m working on it. Join me in the journey to match your lifestyle with who you are! Create the time to live the life you know you want to live.
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