The tragic loss of lives at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut has stirred many people deeply…in a variety of ways. We see grieving parents and identify with the loss, school children wonder about safety and have fears as the vulnerability of life becomes very real, and others rise up in anger at injustice and call for political action.
I have a story also, though distant from the action…the loss of lives at the school has touched me too, in ways I hadn’t expected.
I went to service tonight…and as I got there late (too many things to do, and not enough day to do them in), I saw a mother, M, and her child, a little girl, having a long, caring embrace from a friend in the hallway…I couldn’t see clearly, but there looked to be tears. A short time later, I heard that the little girl was in kindergarten last year with Ana Grace Marquez-Greene…a first grader who lost her life yesterday.
It is only later that I remember that M understands the pain and likely resonates powerfully of the horror of Ana’s mother in a way few of us can…she has buried two of her own…daughters alive and then gone all too soon.
After service, I checked my email, and found a couple of different emails, with messages from John Smyth, the Executive Director of the Aurora Family Therapy Centre. We have grads from this school on our team, I have taken courses there, and it has rather become the hub of the Marriage and Family Therapy community. Nelba, Ana’s mother is a marriage and family therapist, and was on staff at Aurora until they moved in the summer. In the email was a video that earlier today, Nelba had posted on her facebook, asking it be distributed far and wide saying, “Let the world know the victims…not the shooter”
Aren’t they both adorable? Confident and capable, cute and sweet. She’s precious…and now she’s gone. Her father said, “As much as she’s needed here and missed by her mother, brother, and me, Ana beat us all to paradise.”
John says, in part, in the email: There is no sense to be made of such an act of violence and the heartbreaking impact felt around the world. Yet even in unimaginable grief, the family’s strength and faith are symbolized in a brief video, in which we see a glimpse into the life of little Ana, with her brother Isaiah as they sing and play a Christian hymn, “Come Thou All Mighty King.”
Also, after service, I had a conversation with another friend. C’s husband teaches at Linden Christian school, where Ana attended school last year. Her daughter has had jazz workshops with Ana’s father, Jimmy Greene. We were talking about the tragedy, and our lives, and how it all fits. and C said, “This has helped me so much with perspective…what’s important and what’s not important. We were out shopping today, and the parking lots are crazy…folks are rude and cut us off repeatedly…but somehow today it didn’t matter. I have my family. I think I was reminded to be very present, to enjoy and value the little things. I think I want to be more aware of what’s happening and choose to love the moment, and treasure it…and recognize that I can be grumpier than I need to be when I don’t value what I have.”
She went on..”Were any of those moms yesterday short with their children when they dropped them off at school? Were some of them annoyed because their children dawdled? Of course, likely…that’s happened to all of us with our kids. That’s something I have renewed energy to want to do…life is precious, and I want to work to make my goodbyes positive and effective with my children…yesterday’s tragedy reminded me of the fragility of life.”
Reminded me of this quote by Toni Morrison:
What made this conversation particularly powerful for me was who I was having this conversation with. I was sitting in a chair, and my buddy C, was seated across from me, in her wheelchair. C is a wonderful woman who does her darndest to live a full life…but she has Multiple Sclerosis. Every moment of every day is more painful and slow and fatiguing than it should be. And this fall, she had a major setback because of a medical error…she and her family have been paying big-time through difficult treatment to compensate for the error. Her life has been a sort of hell all fall…and she was teaching me about how to be grateful and enjoy every precious moment of life.
She, who faces more challenges before breakfast than most of us will in a month, taught me much about gratitude, presence, facing tragedy with grace and hope and commitment to make this world a better place.
Thanx, C.
Thanx for living out for me, right in front of me, how we all, even on our worst days, have much to be grateful for. The joys of life do not mask or hide the challenges, but give us energy to face those challenges.
There are many rough, lonely, desperate days of longing ahead for many people who grieve those that are lost as a result of what happened in Sandy Hook Elementary School yesterday.
Know that the prayers of many are with you.
Know that you have inspired us to all hug our children today…and for us, what might have been the annoyance of a car pool is now a privilege, that the dirty socks thrown on the floor this morning will be welcomed as a sign of life rather than with a scowl, and even the complaining of a little one can be heard as music to our ears…because to whine is to be alive.
John Smyth closes his email with this:
Those of us who know Nelba can see her caring and ministering for the needs of those around her, and hope that she will find and accept that same help as she moves through the early stages of grief. The faith she and Jimmy embody is sure to be part of what brings the family through this time and, while many of us hold different beliefs, we unite in upholding them as our extended family, during their time of loss.
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