Fear–the Robber of Connection

The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is, “Do not fear.” It’s in there over two hundred times. That means a couple of things, if you think about it. It means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn’t let fear boss us around. Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion to in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.

Are you aware of the fear in your life? Are you aware of the various ways fear masquerades itself in tricky ways, shaping your decisions and relationships?

• Do you feel humble when asked to give a talk, deferring to someone else more experienced, when actually, you are afraid that you won’t do a good job (even though the person who asks you to do the presentation asked you for a reason)
• Are you angry as a cover for the fear underneath…when you get mad at your wife for working too many evenings…perhaps it is actually fear that she is more interested in work than in you?
• Do you laugh off, once again, a sarcastic joke from your mother about your weight or your job or _____, when it really quite hurts? And you pretend it’s “ok” even when it’s not…because you’re fearful of the reaction and long term effects of being candid about your feelings?
• Do you hold resentment over a long ago slight from your husband…when he went to work the first day after you came home with the new baby?…and feeling resentful is one way to protect yourself from the ongoing fear of wondering how important you are really to him, anyway?

Do you let yourself feel the fear…acknowledge it as real and powerful and captivating? Do you let yourself feel how you get hijacked by the anger or resentment or ________ as a way to mask/hide the fear so it doesn’t have to be felt?

Does the fear, and the accompanying protective reactions, run your life and your relationships…keeping you safe in familiar and stagnant and painful ruts?

Lives run by fear may be very safe, but the danger of them is boredom and frustration because of the “same old, same old” features of a fear-run life.

Lives run by fear actually have their own danger…too much safety sucks the life-breath out of a person.

Facing fear is challenge and vulnerability and intimacy that is risky, but incredibly lifegiving.