“Wabi-sabi”–I happened to come upon the term today, which a totally cool concept I stumbled across. Of the Japanese term, Wikipedia says this:
Richard R. Powell summarizes by saying “It (wabi-sabi) nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.”….. Fading autumn leaves would be an example. Wabi sabi can change our perception of our world to the extent that a chip or crack in a vase makes it more interesting and give the object greater meditative value.
I’m lovin the term, because of the freedom gives us to enjoy life as it presents itself imperfectly…and to celebrate the beauty of the chips and cracks of life. It takes the pressure off of a person to “be perfect” and allows them to “be real”.
With people who expect perfection, I have occasionally given the suggestion that they try an experiment: to do a “B+” job of something—that they are to make every effort, to, under no circumstance, allow themselves to get an “A+” at the task.
Typical possible example:
Like say, a woman is overwhelmed with the family gathering that she does every Thanksgiving—the full meal deal. It’s important to her that she host the event, but doing so takes everything she’s got and more. So I suggest the gathering be done at a “B+” level. Her eyes go round, bug out a little, she has a sharp intake of breath—she looks at me like I’ve suggested she go to Mars.
In her desire to give therapy “a shot”, and in her discomfort of her current situation where trying to do everything perfectly is driving her to exhaustion, failure, and guilt, she agrees to give it “a go”. Letting me know with a subtle look in her eye she think I’m unreasonable, unfair, ridiculous, and well, maybe even just plain nuts—and that I’ve just set her on a course of certain doom.
The following week…this story: She only baked one kind of pie instead of the usual 4 kinds—and so wasn’t as tired. She put less effort into making the table look ABSOLUTELY perfect—and so slept better the night before because she wasn’t worried about if the tissue paper turkey tails didn’t fluff up on the place cards. She wasn’t so worried if the usually critical uncle had a good time—he generally chooses not to, and not forcing a good time out of him was one way to fulfill the “B+”. When the turkey juices spilled on the counter as she was getting ready to make the gravy, she took a deep breath and then…giggled—the others let out their breath and joined in. And she enjoyed her day. And the others enjoyed the day as they watched their hostess enjoying hers.
With a smile on her face she says: “I get it. I did what you said to try. And it didn’t work. It was the best Thanksgiving I ever hosted. We all had an A+ time because I did a B+ job.”
Almost inevitably part of the beauty is relaxing and enjoying the magic of what is created by being together, and experiencing the moment for what it is, not what you strain to make it to be.
Various cultures have tried to reinforce this pattern:
- Religious Persian rug-makers deliberately wove, into each rug, a flawed stitch. This “Persian flaw” was a means of silently, but assuredly, proclaiming the rug-maker’s belief that only God’s creations are perfect.
- The quilter’s humility square is a purposely mis-pieced square. It is a reminder to the quilter, and others, that only God is perfect, and only God can create something that is perfect.
- Native American beaders would always include one bead that didn’t fit the pattern they were working, to indicate that only the Great Spirit or Creator was perfect. This is known as the “spirit bead”.
Doncha love the idea? Put the mistake in on purpose so it’s not perfect…know you’re going to mess it up from the “get go”…and relax cuz the pressure is off. Recognize that perfection for us mere mortals is beyond our reach—and to pursue it is to pretend to be Someone we’re not.
See the beauty of the imperfections of life that are inevitable—see them for what they are—testaments to the “Persian flaws” in your life. Opportunities for you to experience grace from yourself and others…to be reminded that you’re wonderfully human. A chance to remind yourself to chuckle and accept yourself for who you are, and, with a gentle smile (or even a chuckle) to move on.
Enjoy the wabi-sabi of your life today.
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