Sometimes it doesn’t take a lot for it to mean a lot.
I was talking to a friend the other day…a friend who has had it “up to here” with adolescent sons…you know, the normal kind that burp (loud!) without apology, needs rides hither and yon, and just generally think they are the center of the universe. They are good boys, and she loves’em like crazy, but it’s not always easy.
So the other day, she picked up a teen aged boy from a sporting event, and he asked to stop home for a shower before going to watch the other teenaged son at a sporting event. Time was tight, but she agreed (this may have been self serving, she admits, to have a fresh smelling boy in the vehicle with her).
Time was tight, and in addition to the shower, he spent some time fiddling with some electronic device to get it working again. A teenaged boy kinda thing to do…sneak in something important to him, but not necessarily well timed given the whole situation from an adult perspective.
They were about to leave with not time to spare, when he asked if they could stop at the “Apple store” at the mall on the way…because he didn’t have the little thingamajiggy that would open the device as part of restoring its function.
Gritted teeth. A sharp retort and scolding on the tip of her tongue. Deep breath.
Another deep breath…and from a place she couldn’t quite identify inside of herself, she said, “Sure”. Grateful she said this from the other room, so he couldn’t see her face when she said it….and hoping her voice sounded sincere.
They could go to the store and the Apple geniuses would quickly open the device…but they would be late for certain.
As they walked to the car, the boy said, “This is a ‘mom moment’. I know that.”
My friend asked what he meant by that…and he went on to explain…”This is a moment when you’re choosing to do something for my sake, even though it’s not what you want. Like when you took the long way around to Auntie B’s house after I complained that all the good songs only start on the radio when we’re almost there.”
He knew he was asking a lot in that moment…and he knew his mom was choosing to be patient and giving in that moment…and it mattered.
Hmmmm…my friend wracked her brains for what he was referring to for several hours in the last part of his comment…and over time, the vague memory gradually emerged of the incident he was referring to. She had long forgotten the silly moment when she had gone several blocks out of her way to ensure that the boy got to listen to the whole tune on his favorite station before they arrived at his cousin’s house.
She had forgotten the tiny indulgence that took a deep breath, but really no more than that.
He hadn’t.
Made her realize how important it is to show love in little ways to her kids, when it would be easy to bark out a mini-lecture. In the big scheme of things, the little extras don’t take much…but somehow “in the moment”…they’re not easy…but they can matter.
It reminded me of a parenting adage that said, “Parents have to say, ‘no’ to their children a lot…where possible say, ‘yes’. Say ‘yes’ whenever you can.” I sometimes forget this line, but have been inspired by it.
They were a little late to the game, but the boy got the machine open with the thingamajig, and could put the sim card in.
More importantly, he had another ‘mom moment’ to add to his mental collection.
It put a smile on that mother’s face to know that.
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