Dancing in the Minefields

Marriage is hard, really hard…and worthwhile things are generally hard.

The rewards come with the effort of investing in something that is valuable…taking risks, plunging into an awkward but valuable conversation, of extending grace when tired and short tempered, loving deeply and fully even when it is tempting to pull back.

This, historically, is a week when many couples make the decision to go dancing in the minefields of marriage–one pops the question to the other, and wedding planning begins.

Many will step on a mine and get hurt badly at some point in a marriage.

Invest in good books that help prepare you for your lives together in fun ways, think about premarriage counselling through your synagogue or church or at a counselling agency (we have a program that we think is effective). Premarital counselling reduces the risk of divorce by 30%…wouldn’t it be nice to reduce your risk of stepping on a mine, or at least having the ability to provide first aid to each other when you hit it? To be able to recover from and move on from the blast?

Research shows that hitting the mines in the minefield of marriage is not the problem.

Stepping on a landmine in marriage is A problem, but it’s not The Critical One.

When you dance in the minefield of life, you’re going to step on a mine at some point…that’s life.

The problem is when a couple lacks the resources to heal from the wounds that result. Counselling can help a couple find ways of maintaining the connection to comfort and soothe the other, and work to remain present and available in the relationship.

I love this video…watching the couples enjoy each other as they twirl. There were rough days for each of them, I’m sure, but to make it through those days to be able to celebrate dancing another day.