Stumbled across a video the other day, which reminded me of the value of instilling a sense of thankfulness in our children.
I remember talking with a junior member of my tribe years ago when they were at the stage where they could utter only single words or short sentences…and in speech only a mother could understand. At bedtime, we had this ritual of reviewing the day by looking at 3 things he was thankful for, 1 way in which he was sorry he messed up during the day, and 1 thing he wished were different. Then we’d have prayer about what was just discussed…it was a warm and wonderful way to understand his little heart, and hear what was going on inside, and then to process in light of that which is bigger than us all.
For a long while, when I would ask him what he was thankful for, he would, as we lay curled up on his bed, point to this little divot in the wall, where the drywaller hadn’t quite covered up the nail to perfection. The head of the nail was outlined in the paint. And I would ask him, “You’re thankful for that nail?” And he would nod. And I would say, “Are you thankful for the nails that hold our house together?” And he would nod again. And we would express gratitude for our house and all the components that worked together to create it.
I’m not sure I’d ever been grateful for nails before…but I find myself thinking back to that moment, and realizing, through the eyes of a child, how many things are silently wonderful in my life that I don’t notice as I’m quite aware of and able to complain about the toilet that leaks, the tea that is cold, and the dirty cup that someone didn’t put in the dishwasher. How many more things have gone right in my day than wrong, and yet the default position it to notice that which is difficult. I overlook that which can be celebrated…the nails in the wall, the pretty cup the tea is in, the milk that was in the cup and now has nourished one of the tribe…which he was able to fill up because he has legs and arms that work, a cold fridge with a jug of milk, and he has the experience of safety enough to cut corners and not put it away.
I often find myself looking at the nail divot in my mind’s eye, and remembering the significance of it…and then consciously making a choice to look around me in the present moment to aknowledge all that is good, the big stuff, the little stuff, and the miniscule stuff. Thinking thankful thoughts doesn’t replace the thinking about the stresses and challenges of the day…but it does modify my perspective in ways that help me handle the day. (I wish I could say that I’m as good at this as the paragraph implies…I’m not 🙂
Research is powerful that grateful people are changed people.
We do well to raise our children with a sense of gratitude. Research from Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude can Make You Happier!, says that children who practice grateful thinking:
- have better relationships with their families and school
- better achieve personal goals
- have closer relationships and greater happiness
- better grades
- greater energy, attentiveness and enthusiasm
- and had greater sensitivity to others…more empathic, generous, and compassionate
Gratitude helps make the world go round. There are lots of practices that we can incorporate with our children to help them think appreciatively about their world…but habits like gratitude are “better caught than taught”.
How grateful a person do the people around you see you to be?
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