I am not fortunate enough to have grandparents who are still around, but I know a handful of people who still do. And every now and then I find myself surprised to see exchanges on Facebook where grandmas and grandpas are responding to status updates, cute photos, or playing Words With Friends against their much younger kin.
I marvel at the learning curve for these older folks who probably remember having to get up to turn the knob on their black and white TV, or who may remember celebrating indoor plumbing! I think this goes to show what an integral part of our lives social media has become as connecting online is something that crosses generational, economic, and cultural boundaries.
There’s no escaping it, and no going back to ‘the good old days’ where people caught up with their neighbors over a cup of coffee and a date square. Now we have access not just to our block, but friends and family (and even strangers) around the globe. Our kitchen tables have expanded to include every person we know and love (and perhaps even those we know and don’t love if we can’t bring ourselves to hit ‘ignore’ to that friend request).
The expansion of the kitchen table has some definite positives.
- I think of my own family members who live across the country – and I am grateful for tools like Skype that keep us connected in spite of the miles.
- Being able to peruse quick updates from friends has also helped foster a sense of continuity in relationships, enabling us to check in and pick up without having to spend as much time updating on some of life’s small details.
But the more I work with people, the more I am becoming aware of the pitfalls of being able to connect so easily. Social media has enabled us to access an extraordinary number of people with relatively little risk or effort, with a faceless and at times inauthentic connection that can stand in the way of our real-life, in-person relationships.
In this two-part social media series, we’ll explore some of the benefits and drawbacks that participation in this medium may have on ourselves and our relationships.
Let’s start with the good.
As a mom of young kids I can definitely speak to some of the perks of online connection. I’ve posted more than my share of “SOS” questions, soliciting support or opening up conversations to hear from others on their best-parenting practice or personal experience. At 2:00am there is something about being able to lament publicly that your kid is puking again that takes some of the loneliness out of a rather isolating situation.
Social media is a tool for networking and sharing ideas, and also serves to help people whose paths would not cross regularly maintain connection in a way that facilitates face-to-face connection at a later time, whether it’s college friends who you stop in to see while passing through their town, distant cousins, or your high school BFF who lives in another province.
For some folks who have a harder time connecting in person and maintaining face-to-face friendships – social media and online hangouts have become a place of connection and belonging, with friends across the globe becoming a community who care for and check in on each other.
Connection, regardless of form, can really be a beautiful thing.
Then there are the extraordinary stories that our age of technology fosters.
I think of a story I heard from a dear friend, T, of a her half brother, R, in his 30’s–who had a whole half of a family tree that he knew nothing about. R grew up without real knowledge of his dad, and due to the family dynamics, never felt safe enough to ask.
Aside from a few photos there were no links to his past, and a whole lot of assumptions about what 30 years of silence meant. For three decades R had been writing internal stories to explain the silence, vilifying a man who created him while simultaneously convincing himself that he was not worth searching for.
Armed with just a few details and some geographical information, some Facebook sleuthing by T unearthed a potential family match for her brother in the form of a half-sibling and still-alive father. After T shared the information with R, R bravely reached out to ask for clarification as to whether or not he belonged to them.
Shortly after Christmas 2013, the notification of a new message showed up and because of Facebook his world changed forever.
The stories of being forgotten or discarded were exchanged for the
knowledge that R was sought after, fought for, and loved.
For thirty years R’s dad had shed tears on the birthday of a son he loved and believed he lost forever. Social media made a way for R to connect with his dad’s side of the family when all other avenues of finding each other had been exhausted, and the flames of hope had been long extinguished. A fractured family is being set right, internal stories are shifting, and lives are profoundly changed. That’s some pretty powerful stuff.
This digital age of connection has undoubtedly fostered the building and maintaining of relationships in ways that our grandparents could probably not have imagined.
There are beautiful stories of people reaching out, connecting, and caring for each other through an array of social mediums – and the positive elements of this method of interacting are plentiful.
There are stories of care, of hope, and of reunions that would have been impossible if not for the social platforms we have come to depend on.
…and yet the story doesn’t end here. Stay tuned for part 2 where we’ll explore some of the darker, more insidious sides that come with the accessibility of and dependency on social media as a way to connect.
**Blog by Sabrina Friesen, Therapist at Bergen and Associates Counselling. And gosh, are we blessed to have her with us!
Write a Comment