Being Brave in Costly Loving

I went to court the other day.

In life, sometimes, our friends could use our help moving from one house to another, or with a meal when someone dies. That’s what we do, right?

And when their child is facing charges,  you go to court to sit with them.

No one should have to be in court alone. Not a victim or offender or family member. No one.

When the process was done, and we could breathe out the breath that had been held in for the better part of a morning, the parents and I went for a cup of coffee to debrief.

We talked about this’n’that.

And then her eyes welled up with tears and she said: “I wish I had done a lot of things differently, but I will never regret the decision I made to have him be in our family.” She said that part with such conviction, it startled me. This firm conviction was beautiful.

Chosen children are just that…chosen.

And the commitment is fierce.

His eyes grew reflective as he gazed back to a long ago conversation.  “My grandma took in a 14 year old when her kids were teens—he created so much havoc. There was too much drinking and lots of chaos. Now that boy is a grandpa, and he comes to family gatherings, and his children call her Oma. When I told her years ago that we offered our home to a boy to become our son, she told me: ‘Do it. It’s the right thing to do.”

She didn’t stop there, however.

Right after she encouraged him to bring this boy into their family, Grandma looked at him and clearly and slowly stated: “Your heart will be broken. But do it anyway. It will be the right thing.”

We sat silent at the patio table, absorbing the wisdom of this wizened grandma in light of today’s harsh reality: the sheriff, the judge, the lawyers, the sentence.

And he slowly said: “She was right. My heart is broken. And it was right to do. He’s my son.”

---

Love is like that isn’t it?

To love another is always to create an open door to heartbreak. To have your heart wrung out, cracked open, crushed.

Love so often hurts.

And yet, to not love hurt more, I think.

It’s a brave thing to love. It’s expensive on one’s soul.

But the benefits are priceless.

---

Going with my friends to their son’s court date was meant to be an act of kindness. But as so often, an act of helping backfired in the most beautiful of ways: turns out I was the one who received the gift.

The gift of witnessing broken loving hearts, who, even in the midst of the hurting knew that love was worth it.

The beauty of that conversation pretty near took my breath away.

---

Sometimes in our lives, we need to figure out how to dig deep to live life fully alive. To figure out how to show up, be seen, and live brave.™

We need to be willing to enter wholehearted into our lives, eager to engage fully in our lives such that our hearts will almost certainly be broken…because to not put our hearts out there is to impoverish ourselves from meaning and purpose, and most of all, love.

It takes courage to:

• apply for the promotion,
• ask her out,
• tell him you love him for the first time
• have a child,
• let the child grow up and move away
• end a marriage,
• continue a marriage,
• start a job,
• end a job
• and a whole host of other things that require courage

It takes an awareness of your values, a willingness to be vulnerable, and an ability to relate to others authentically.

Even when it is hard.

Especially when it’s hard.

It takes an ability to be empathic with others as they are on their courageous and lonely road. It also takes an ability to be fully present with oneself—to feel your feelings, to take care of yourself in them, to be ready to be even more brave than before.

---

You don’t have to figure this out on your own.

Do it with a group of people whom you will dare to get to know and share your life with for three days.

The Daring Way™ is a course designed for those wanting to “show up, be seen, and live brave”™.

The current offering for The Daring Way™ program is planned for July 25-27, 2019

Thursday, July 25 5:30-9 pm

Friday, July 26  9 am-5 pm, and

Saturday, July 27  9-1:00 pm

Planned for summer break to accommodate teachers and other folks who have a bit more time in the summer, this course accommodates those who can’t take time away from work during the winter..  The course features videos of Brené Brown, some personal time for reflection, discussion–always at a level that works for each person–and lots of opportunity to ask questions, engage with the material, laugh and generally enjoy figuring out how to live the live that is authentically yours.

The life that will have others gasp at its beauty. The one who says yes to crazy, risky things because of the priceless reward.

For more information, check out our Daring Way page, call 204 275 1045 or email info@conexuscounselling or use our contact page to ask questions or register.

We’d love to have you join us!