Hal talks with people and he has his finger on the pulse of what people are saying. .And, as he said on today’s show, he doesn’t much care what other people think. That frees Hal to name topics that other people wonder about but don’t say out loud…

Today, we spoke about how to deal with the annoying habit of our partners.  Those things that used to be cute and endearing when you were first together, but now annoy the heck outta ya?

Ironic, isn’t it, that we risk becoming annoying as we complain and nag about the annoying behaviors?

And then…Hal asked me to talk about ways women could understand men better. Hal and I discussed a list he found. Sometimes, if we can just give our partners the benefit of the doubt, we would remember that they didn’t get up in the morning intending to piss us off. If we look to understand the underlying motives behind the behaviour, it could really change our response to our spouse.

So often, when our spouses sound hurtful, it’s because we can’t see the motive underneath.

I love how the little device that normally translates the dog’s barks into English, is put on the dad to translate his grumpy fishing metaphors into what he really means: “I love you”. This  scene, from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, is one of my all time favourite scenes from an animated film.

Sometimes, as a therapist, that’s my job: to somehow be the translator as one spouse speaks, so the partner can hear the carefully hidden underlying message. The message that is too true and right and vulnerable and fragile to be spoken directly–but is deeply and profoundly present.