Many Gifts

There were Christmases past when, for me, Christmas was considered the “finish line” of an obstacle race that included wrapping up a term at school with exams marked, seeing clients, running a business, responding to emails, getting Junior Tribe Members to all their Christmas events, power shopping, hopefully a tiny bit of baking, and the few fun events that were a part of the event were endured more than anticipated because of my exhaustion.

Getting ready for Christmas as a single parent often felt like an exercise in discouragement.

There were a few Christmases where the nap on Christmas Day was the most anticipated moment of the entire season for me.

It was exhausting…and it was a very real feeling that: Christmas was one day that I could rest and I knew I wasn’t getting farther behind.  Because everyone else had the day off too.  That feeling of not getting farther behind was the best.

I’ll be honest: there were moments when I would have a pity party for myself. I played party games of Catastrophization and Magnification.  The only proper food for a pity party was sour grapes, of course.  I would get sad, and to be candid in a way I’m not proud of, a bit resentful of those who had someone do something special for them, or purchase a special gift, or collaborate to make the Christmas meal.

Christmas is a lonely time when so much falls on one person.

However, although I like parties, I was usually able to have that pity party wrap up early.  I deliberately worked to be a party pooper at this pity party and have it end before it wanted to.

I knew how to end the pity party…and it wasn’t with scolding myself, or forcing myself to “think positive”.

The grounding back to reality away from self pity was with slow and deliberate gratitude.

When I chose to be authentically and profoundly thankful, it changed everything.

I would remember that:

• I was a single mom who had 2 jobs that were both flexible.  I could send my kids off to school and be with them when they got home.
• I had a roof over my head, and milk in my fridge, and groceries in my cupboard.  We weren’t eating steak, but we regularly had meat at most meals. I knew that I would pay my mortgage for the next month.
• Heck, I had the ability to read.  So many single moms in this world weren’t even literate.  The gift of literacy put me in a position to make sure my kids were provided with what they needed.
• My Junior Tribe Members had the gift of a dad who stayed in contact and had them over for time with him. He would cancel when he couldn’t make it so they had a reliable father in their lives.
• We had people who loved us.  We mattered to people.  Those people mattered to us.  We were connected.
• We had fresh drinking water that meant my kids wouldn’t be sick.  My kids were immunized, and we had ready access to good health care should we require it.

This gratitude litany reminded, correctly, that as hard as things were (and they really were difficult), there was so much more going right than wrong. We were lacking in some ways, but gratitude reminded me of how very much I had.

Gratitude actually increased my awareness for suffering of other people in this world.  Being grateful for fresh and clean drinking water increased my compassion for the 20% of the world that doesn’t. It would inspire generosity in me that I hadn’t been in touch with during my pity party.

This video reminded me of those deliberate gratitude mantras I used to have to turn my mental space around:

Christmas Presents from Forest Hill Church on Vimeo.

It changes perspective doesn’t it? To have one’s focus at what one has, rather than on what isn’t there creates a shift.  It’s so much easier to be aware of what’s missing, when so much is in front of us, and we are dismissing it.

This isn’t about denying the reality of pain, or dismissing the longing as something that “shouldn’t be”…but rather adding in the acknowledgement of all the good that is present in the midst of the pain.

It’s about holding the regrets and disappointments and loneliness together with the things we do have, the relationships that do exist, and the goodness that is all around.

So, no matter where you are in life this Christmas, can you take a moment to make a mental list (or write it down on paper) of all the gifts you have been given.  Look for the mundane, the ordinary, the things that are such an accepted part of the fabric of our lives that we forget the incredible gifts they are.  Like:

• the right to vote,
• mail delivery,
• clean air,
• the smile of a neighbour,
• a paycheque,
• milk,
• an emergency room, 911 service, in the background, available as needed
• the ability to breathe, eat, drink, walk.

Simply getting up in the morning is gift. A precious gift that not all received this morning.

Gratitude itself is a gift…it is a reminder of all that we have…which sometimes, can be a life-giving, life-saving lifeline in the midst of a time of struggle.