“Why should I apologize? She/he never does!”
Have you ever said those words to yourself?
I know I have.
And it makes sense. Often it doesn’t feel fair to say “I’m sorry”. Often we are so hurt, that it’s hard to see that our words have been thoughtless, or our actions destructive.
Instead of apologizing, we wait for the apology from the other person that never comes. Or, if it does come, we are so bitter that we don’t know how to hear the apology when it is given.
“Too little, too late!” – I’ve heard that one a lot.
So here’s what I propose:
Say sorry when it is safe to do so.
I propose this because you are probably mature enough to take responsibility for your actions in most non-threatening situations (or once the dust has settled). You are also probably wise enough to take stock of what you could have done differently, even if your partner, friend, or child isn’t ready to do so yet.
And if you aren’t able to do it yet, I suggest you practice.
Practice saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t have the dishes done before you got home from work.” or “I’m sorry I didn’t look up from the tv when you asked me the question.” Or “I’m sorry that we can’t go to the birthday party.”
Practice apologizing for the mistakes you have made. And, since it’s hard for those who aren’t used to apologizing, maybe start with the people it is easy to apologize to.
One last note: Sadly, not everyone will know how to respond gracefully to newly apologetic you. That sucks. But, maybe, just maybe if you say sorry for the things you are truly sorry for, the people who love you will be heartened by that. And they will feel your growing wisdom.
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