Connection–why we’re here

 It’s the connection that heals

This is one of my favorite topics in the world…I counsel people in light of it, I teach it in workshops and sermons and university classes, and to the best of my imperfect ability, I live it.

I stumbled across Dr. Brene Brown’s work several years ago, and am so glad I did. She puts into words and stories themes that resonate with many-including me.  The work she does speaks about is what clients have been teaching me about for years:

1. Connection-it’s why we’re here, it’s what at every level we are created for, it’s how we are hard wired. We long for connection. All of us. Each one.
2. Shame (a word we all like to avoid) is the fear of disconnection. Something in us that says: “There is something about me that if other people know it or see it-then I won’t be seen as worthy”. That makes us dread vulnerability-not wanting to truly be seen
3. What makes unique those who have a strong sense worthiness- a deep sense of love and belonging-is a belief that that they are worthy of love and belonging. That’s the difference between those that have the sense of worthiness and those that don’t.  Those that work to maintain the belief that they are worthy of love and belonging are have greater ability to connect…they have more courage, they are less defensive, they are able to risk engaging with others.
4. The way they achieved this worthiness is with a sense of courage…the ability to tell the story of who they are with their whole heart…to be imperfect, to be kind to themselves first and then to others
5. Folks have connection as a result of authenticity…they are willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they are.
6. People who successfully create connection fully embrace vulnerability. Vulnerability is not seen as comfortable or alternatively, excrutiating, but seen simply as necessary. They resist the temptation to numb themselves. Vulnerability is inevitable…we have choices about how we choose to handle it.
7. There is a willingness to breathe through the uncertainty of what much of connection involves…rather than trying to make things certain or predict.

Connection helps people…it helps them live longer and healthier lives. Folks who have solid significant connections with even one or two people can navigate through crises in the lives with greater resilience.

Deep and profound connection with others helps us feel fully alive…it opens us up to greater joy.