Quote by Gary Chapman: We are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve." Poster by Bergen and Associates.

How can you best love your partner? What turns his crank? What makes her feel special and cared for?

Funny that we often assume we know how to love another…it’s easy. We love others in ways we know it is meaningful to be loved.

Heh heh…if a wife likes gifts, she assumes her husband must too. If he knows that he craves being close with her physically, he “knows” that is how best to have her feel close to him.

So…what to do?

Here’s something that’s sorta fun, and I think, surprisingly helpful and insightful.

Take the 5 love languages quiz, available here.

Think about it…what means most to your partner?

You cleaning the kitchen after supper?
Leaving a note in your partner’s lunch?
A long close hug when your partner comes in the door?

How are you supposed to know what is experienced as a meaningful expression of love unless you explore this with your partner?

Poster outlining the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman: Words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch. Quote: Love can be expressed and received in all five languages. However, if you don

Try it…and ask your spouse to try it. Find out his/her results. Compare your “love language” preferences over a cup of tea or a glass of wine and discover something about each other in a way that will allow you to better be able to have your spouse know of your love and care.

I’ve recommended it to lots of couples…and it has never failed to create some interesting conversations, and often a measure of relief, as couples have this “aha” moment and say, “Oh, that’s why!!”

It is often great fodder discussion with couples in a counselling session…and can be a great topic for a couple that has a good marriage to work towards a great one. It allows couples to strengthen their bond…cuz it is important to figure out ways to make sure that the love you feel is love that is experienced and felt by the other.

Use this quiz as a discussion starter to figure out how to further grow the relationship. Read a book, watch a YouTube video, or visit with another couple who’s been married a little longer than yourselves to nurture your connection.

Read the book, 5 Love Languages available for purchase here:

FYI, some couples come in to couples counselling loooong before there is any crisis…recognizing that a “tune up” to enhance a relationship acts like an oil change on a car…who wouldn’t want preventative maintenance to prevent damage down the road? Counselling doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble…it means your are courageous enough to invest in the most important relationship of your life! Contact us if you’re interested in pursuing the enhancement of the connection in your relationship…we’d love to chat.

Also, now available: The book that understands women who are too nice to advocate for a great marriage, and the men who remain oblivious to know how to make it better for her:

And if you know your relationship needs some professional support, and your spouse is extremely reluctant, Thinking Therapy–No to Maybe may just be what is required to allow for that next step to transforming your marriage: