Oprah and Brené…and me!

I come from steady, stable, secure stock.

My parents both worked hard within the same organization their entire careers.  We lived in only two houses when I was growing up.  They looked–twice (very carefuly)–before they leaped.

I was taught to always pay one’s credit card bill at month’s end, never spend what you didn’t have, finish your work before you play (and the work was never done).

My mom would get something pretty, like a fancy soap or a beautiful candle…and would put it away for a special occasion…and it would be tucked away for years.  One wouldn’t want to pull it out and use it impulsively and then it would be used, right?

I have had the concepts hard work, perseverance, “sober second thought” firmly in my DNA from childhood…and for the most part, it has served me well.  Those values truly do a lot to keep a person out of trouble.

Problem is, those values can also keep a person from fully living.

I’m an introvert, and a rather shy person by nature…and I think I can hide behind “common sense” to say no to going out with friends I don’t know well, or go to a restaurant I’m unfamiliar with, or avoid agreeing to an invitation to something that would have me feeling “in over my head”.

I can use my mantra of “stability” and “security” as a cover for what is really avoiding fresh and unfamiliar experiences.

I can hide behind the positive values of my parents in a way that doesn’t honour the core truth of the wisdom of those values.

That’s so. not. cool.

I’m working at being more honest with myself, and I’m working at being braver–because I do know that when I do try something adventurous–more often than not, the payoff is so worth it.  And even if it doesn’t turn out well, I can be pleased with myself that I dared greatly in pursuing that adventure, and use it to enlarge the territory of my comfort zone. I’m working at it…but am hardly a master. And I get that what feels adventurous to me, may be easy-peasey for the next person.

I took another big step in this direction this week.  I’m gonna live a little–or maybe even a lot. I’m doing something really big (for me, anyway), something I’ve never done before, something that feels a little crazy, and definitely beyond my comfort zone.

Are you ready? (Drum roll please)

At the end of this month, I’m flying to Chicago to be part of taping two episodes of Oprah’s lifeclass with Dr. Brené Brown!!!

I saw it on Dr. Brown’s Facebook…there was a link to apply…and so I applied.  It seemed pretty safe to apply…I never win anything, I don’t get chosen–ever–on these on-line things.

But I got invited!!!

When I got the email of invitation, my first impulse was to push “delete”…yes, I respect both of these women hugely.  Yes, I think the conversation between them would be fascinating.  Yes, I could even justify that it would have some professional value.  But my “common sense self” said that this would be broadcast, and I could watch it then.  I already have Dr. Brown’s books…besides, I don’t even know what a “life class” is…blah, blah, blah.

I pretty much talked myself right out of the experience…

But I stopped myself, and gave myself a few hours to ask myself whether I was using “wisdom in acheivng appropriate stability” or was “hiding to keep myself safe”.

Yep…if I turned this down, I would be hiding, and using honourable values as shallow excuses to avoid something new and uncomfortable–but potentially really cool and awesome and a memory that I could cherish…and mostly, just an adventure that would be crazy-fun!!

I remembered the list that I’d bookmarked back in July. A palliative care nurse collected and compiled a book of the top 5 regrets folks most expressed as they were dying.  Of the five, three applied here: