Won’t you stand up and use your voice?
There are a lot of folks who are depressed and struggling and anxious and lonely and desperately in need of connection…who are curled up on the inside (and maybe or maybe not on the outside) and would so benefit from another coming alongside.
For so many, the internal struggle feels lonely and as it remains unspoken, spins worse and uglier
A note of explanation about why sometimes a person is curled up and no one comes over…
It’s not because you’re bad
…or that no one cares about you
…or that you don’t matter…
It’s quite possibly because those that might come over are also curled up (if not on the outside, then on the inside).
As Melanie says, “Everyone’s got stuff.”
It takes real courage, genuine chutzpah to walk over to another and say, “How are you doing?” Sometimes it takes more than another person has got to put themselves out there and inquire of another. Will the person spurn you, brush you off, tell you to mind your own beeswax? Will they dump something so heavy that your already worn soul will feel ambushed and overwhelmed?
The video inspired me and had me want to “stand up and use my voice”…the video makes it look do-able and important.
But then real life hits. When I’m out and about in my day, I can be kinda shy…and it feels sorta presumptuous for me to walk up to someone who is quiet and ask them about their day, and draw them out. I’m not always my best and strongest self and it can feel like it would take more courage than I’ve got to walk over and say hello, and offer my support.
It’s not that I don’t care or I’m hateful or the pain of another doesn’t matter. Not at all.
I don’t go over because I’m concerned it won’t be well received and that would be hard for me, cuz I’m human too, and I’ve got soft parts that feel curled up too. And the risk of being rejected trumps all compassionate action.
That’s not an excuse…but it is an explanation.
For us to be a culture that “stands up and uses their voices”, we gotta be self-compassionate, ready to support ourselves if we are dismissed when we might offer connection. I gotta figure out a way to be “OK” regardless of the response, and have the inner energy to go over, having no idea how it will turn out…that means I gotta fill my own tank and have some in reserve for just such moments as I might find someone curled up. We gotta be resilient and have enough inner cushion that we can absorb rejection when we go over...in the video the bids for connection are all well received.
In real life, it doesn’t always go so well, eh?
Life is messy and complicated, and sometimes bids of connection are slapped and pushed away. It can be too hard to be vulnerable when you’re all curled up and someone comes over–and genuine offers of kindness are rejected on the outside (even as they might be appreciated on the inside). It can feel too risky to relax and nestle into the offer of support because the fragile shell of coping can’t dare be touched for fear of shattering. But know that the one who walks over and reaches out a hand…know that they have struggles too, and it took something for them to come?
Connection takes courage…both on the part of the one who “stands up and uses their voice” and the one who is curled up to open up enough to receive the support.
But I do know that courageous connection is worth it. Over and over and over, I’ve seen it be worth it. Now we just gotta live out of that reality.
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