Sometimes, the best way to find inner capacity is to be in a situation where it is required…and it simply shows up…or maybe it was there all along…
So…giving the refrigerator a vacation as suggested by the repairman…nice idea, but not effective. The silly fridge may have enjoyed the R and R…but when we plugged her back in…water became only slightly cooler than room temperature.
As much as she has served us well, her chillin’ days are done with us.
Ever the bargain hunter…I found a great fridge at a good price in a home that was well maintained but the brand new owners were going to do a major reno, and so the slightly used fridge had to go…and only two blocks from us.
So…I signed myself and my junior tribe members up for an adventure the next day. (It’s always easier to get junior tribe members caught up in an “adventure” rather than a “chore”).
We rented the U Haul…and they got a ride in a truck…kinda fun for them. They felt very manly opening the back of the truck, lowering the ramp, and hauling out the dolly.
The door to the kitchen in this old house with very-beautiful-woodwork-that-they-don’t-make-anymore-and-must-not-be-marked-at-all narrow doorways meant that the fridge door had to come off. The fellow who was demolishing prior to the reno was kind enough to take the fridge doors off to get it through the doorway…with the junior tribe members carefully watching.
He coached them a little how to use the appliance dolly, and the carefully lowered the fridge down to the landing and out the door.
By now, they were feeling down right like professional movers, as they figured out how to haul that baby up the ramp of the truck…and it was heavy, but they grunted and groaned and felt very accomplished when she was safely in the truck.
At our house, they measured and planned…quite excluding me from the process…this was THEIR JOB as they carefully pulled it into the house, working together as a team in a way I’ve rarely seen, giving and responding to respectful and productive instructions to each other that didn’t have any of the childish critical tone that they can often have.
They sent me away to return the truck while they fixed to put the doors to the fridge and freezer back on. By the time I got home, it was all in place and ready to be plugged in.
It was a day I will remember as one where boys became men.
It reminded me of a conversation I had with a colleague late last week…we were talking about a unique phenomenon that had occurred in his work place.
A therapist experienced a family tragedy with significant traumatic loss…and after a short time off work, returned to work as a “wounded healer”…continuing the ongoing work with clients who had enormous pain and difficulty in their own lives…and who had been looking to her for vital support as an important component to their own survival.
She’s a phenomenal therapist, and does good work with people who legitimately struggle.
But,,,the clients couldn’t help but see her struggle on her return. They knew she had been on leave. And they cared.
And something interesting happened that nobody had counted on, or planned for, or even would have thought was a good idea.
They began to care for her.
Folks who came to her for support because they needed her help, spontaneously and freely reached out to her.
And they discovered resources inside of themselves that they had to give to her.
And as they were “there” for her, that part of them that was empowered to help grew more…and they became stronger.
I’m not suggesting that it’s a great therapeutic strategy for a therapist to be “needy” to pull out client resources…that would be manipulative and inappropriate.
But in this situation, where there was an authentic encounter between a professional and a client who were working together effectively, that suddenly was affected by tragedy, something pretty cool happened .
Over time this became part of the discussion in therapy as they recognized how the client’s inner resources had been discovered as part of being human with another…recognizing what needed to be done, and doing it, and finding empowerment in seeing the impact of that doing.
Sometimes, the best way to find inner capacity is to be in a situation where it is required…and it simply shows up…or maybe it was there all along…
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