Often people do not have an ability to change their circumstances. We are stuck with living with what has happened to us…our past. We are born into the families we have…nothing we can do to change that. Often, life circumstances can be dictated as well…economic circumstances may dictate employment, housing and so on. What’s the point of counselling if so much of life is beyond our control?
I will often tell clients…”I can’t change _____(insert difficult circumstances, relationship, or person here), but what we can do is look at how you are working with and dealing with this to allow what goes on inside you to shift, creating different possibilities.”
The danger is that it can seem like I am blaming a client…working “on them” to fix the problem…what we are doing rather, is accepting the reality that the only elements we can change in the therapy room are the thoughts and feelings a person has around a situation. Far from blaming, it empowers clients the potential to create shifts because they influence the world around them. (NOTICE: I did not say the person can magically change the situation and to make it “all better”)
Shawn Achor is a researcher that points out the importance of perspective. He helps us understand the significance of the lens through which we view a situation…and how that lens shapes our reactions towards the situation…and then through that, the lens actually shapes the situation itself.
Shawn provides several very concrete and “do-able” strategies that are research proven to enhance a helpful perspective. These can create an internal space to allow a different perspective with greater optimism. He’s kinda funny too–his dry wit had me chuckling.
He talks fast, so put on your seat belt and hold on while you listen!
The danger of these sorts of videos is they make it sound too easy…for many it’s not. There are solid reasons why people struggle with situations, why depression makes it too difficult to get out of bed in the morning, why anxiety cripples. I get that.
Many people want to be more positive…and feel unable to “get there”…in fact, that’s often why people come to counselling.
Shawn provides some valuable evidence based understandings of the importance of perspective, and how we can actively implement simple concrete strategies that can make a difference in the way we think and therefore, the way we see things.
Shawn’s research has seen how 10% of your long term life satisfaction is determined by your external circumstances. 90% is predicted by your internal view…your optimism levels, social supports, and seeing stressors as challenges to be met.
He looks to reverse the formula for success…to be satisfied, to experience joy in a way that is not contingent to success. A “happiness advantage” is related to the ability to establish strategies to be positive in the present…by being fully present and noticing all of reality…the beauty of the day, the kindness of those around us, the goodness which surrounds us. (Yes, the world still hurts, some people will still act like jerks towards you, and bad things will still happen…but they won’t disproportionately consume our energy)
Sounds corny? Sure, it does.
But it changes dopamine levels in the brain…allowing your brain (and you!) to think better and work more effectively. That’s hard research that is difficult to argue about.
Funny how science has figured out something just recently that faith has taught us for millennia, huh?
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