In this world of violence, intrusiveness, woundedness and pain, there is also much to revel, enjoy and celebrate. Rebecca, the woman in our office on Wednesdays announced today that she is engaged to the man of her dreams and he “popped the question” on a walk in their favorite place to wander this weekend. They were friends first…curling team members, foosball opponents before becoming more and more to each other. She was relieved B. finally asked, delighted to say yes, and thrilled to be starting preparing for the wedding next summer.
As Rebecca and I were chatting about today, she mentioned that as a student she had participated in counselling, initially as a way to earn extra credit in her psychology course. (A real keener, apparently). To her surprise, she found it really helpful and was able to learn and grow as an individual. She continued the counselling even after the extra credit bonus ended because of how helpful it was…she hadn’t entered counselling “in crisis”, but found the enrichment from exploring herself worth the investment.
Because the individual work was so helpful, she proposed to B, her boyfriend at the time, to go for couples counselling. They aren’t a couple that fights, they don’t yell at each other…they have a strong relationship, and find it valuable to process issues as they arise. He was understandably a little skeptical…what could counselling do for them, given how strong a couple they already were? A natural question.
They had 4 sessions together with a counsellor…and were blown away by how helpful they found it. It improved their already strong relationship significantly, and opened the door to things to discuss and ways to discuss things that enhance the foundation even stronger. I’ve talked to other people that have found “pre-engagement counselling” significant to set the stage for a powerful life together. Communication that is good can become better, conflict styles that work adequately can become stronger, and strengths in the relationship can become even more powerful assets.
She was asking me about premarital counselling today…they are looking at various options and want to be fully informed to make great choices about premarriage counseling. One thing I let her know is that premarriage counselling is best done greater than 6 months before marriage. Research suggests that when it is within a few months of being married, couples can skim over potential “hot spots” out of concern of rocking the boat before the special day. When there is a greater margin of time between counselling and the marriage, there is a greater level of comfort to go where it is helpful, with plenty of time available to really work through and resolve issues at a level that will produce lasting solid growth/change.
Congratulations, Rebecca!
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