“I killed who she could have been,”
said David, who sexually abused his cousin for 12 years.
He goes on to say that the woman he abused contacted him through her therapist a few years ago, and she had a conversation with him. She wanted to let him know that she forgave him. David said he had trouble with that, because he felt that what he did was unforgiveable. That was a powerful line to witness. Wow. He gets it. He understands the devastation of what he did.
sitellite/util/snippets (code=4a9c492c3c01744dfb8e366b10af2f01)
I work with many people who have experienced the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. I have rarely worked with those who have been the abusers. Today on CTV, the Oprah Show had Oprah interviewing those who have been in treatment for sexually abusing children. She asks them what they have done-she asks them to say it-to be specific about the ugliness-and they are. The focus is on educating parents to prevent their children from getting hurt. However, there was a much larger component that I think was quite healing to hear (which is surprising given the topic and interviewees)…the comments of some viewers said they found value in abusers taking responsibility for their actions, demonstrating greater understanding of their actions, recognizing the long journey of healing for those they hurt, and not minimizing the danger they have posed and may still pose to others. Some of the comments of the child molesters demonstrate that while they are on their way to healing, they are not all the way there yet-at times their therapist would gently facilitate them to increase their honesty. It was gutsy for Oprah to ask the questions she did and it was gutsy for the molesters to answer her honestly.
Oprah is able to help the men discuss the sinister side of seduction of children who are molested (Unfortunately she implies that generally children don’t experience the abuse as traumatic at the time because they are pulled into it by someone they care about, who wants them to “feel good”…the evidence, and certainly my experience says that it is more complex than that-many children are very hurt, even in the moment, by sexual abuse).
This is a long interview which won’t interest many readers. It may be an interview that is too harsh for some to hear who have been hurt–this may hit “too close to home”-don’t listen to it if you have been sexually violated as a child and you haven’t had lots of support to process it. It is an interview that is explicit and hard to listen. It is not for the faint of heart. But there will be some that will find it healing-to know that there are perpetrators who have been willing to work hard to acknowledge what they have done, are willing to make themselves vulnerable across a nation as part of educating parents to protect their children.
Oprah doesn’t have it set up to allow embedding the entire video here on the blog…but you can go to her website and view it.
Write a Comment