I was at a family wedding shower last weekend. Brave girl, the new cousin-to-be, daring to walk into a room full of aunts, cousins, and second cousins all of whom are related to her fiancee, and most of whom are complete strangers to her.

She did great, and now has enough small appliances to stock her kitchen.

As is tradition at these things in our family, there was a contemplative time where it became quiet (this was after the bride-to-be ended up chewing far too many pieces of gum in the required silly-but-necessary shower game) and we were challenged to focus and contemplate the sacred union that S and J are preparing for. Marriage—many of us are married, will be married, or have been married…showers  area good time to do some ponderin’ and prayin’…the task of marriage is awesome and a sober thought to challenge and inspire is welcomed.

We started off with each of us reading some quotes by children.Here are a few of my favorites:

• “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” ~Bobby, age 7

• “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” ~Noelle, age 7

• “Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” ~Elaine, age 5

• “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.” ~Chris,
  age 7

• “You really shouldn’t say “I love you” unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” ~Jessica, age 8.

There were some giggles, and then some nods as these were read, before my cousin went further in reminding us of core values of marriage.

I love the one that I pulled from the basket and read when it was my turn:

• When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different . You know that your name is safe in their mouth ~Sara, age 4

It reminded of me of a childhood memory that is near and dear. Mrs. M was my childhood babysitter. She was of retirement age and had no children. She came to babysit me and my siblings when I was a child on occasions when my mom went off to work…not nearly full time, but a couple of times per week from the time I was an infant until I was in Grade 5 or so. She didn’t have housework to do when she came, she didn’t make meals (for the most part anyways—she was a terrible cook), she didn’t read or watch TV at our house—at least, not for herself.

The sole focus of her energy was to play with us, read with us, talk to us, and enjoy us.

And she did. I think she really liked playing with me. I know I liked playing with her and I liked the feeling of how important I was to her, and how much my opinions and thoughts mattered, and how much she would listen to me—to what I was wanting to play or read together.We would have our little routines that I shared with her, only her.We would have milk in my china teapot for tea parties. We would invite the dolls…I would pour, and if I did it carefully, and “just right”, we would look up at each other with sparkling, knowing eyes and say, “and not a single drop” in rhythm together as we celebrated a rare lack of spillage.

Mrs. M called me “Caroline”…always, for as long as I knew her, until the day she died. 

My name is NOT “Caroline”, it’s “Carolyn”. I generally don’t like it when people call me “Caroline”—to me it signifies that they have not taken the time to learn what I am known by, and it speaks to a lack of caring.

I don’t make a big deal out of it generally, but I really am not crazy by people not calling me by my given name.

Except Mrs. M.

My name was safe in her mouth.

I don’t know why she called me “Caroline” and not “Carolyn”, but I could hear the love in her voice when she said it. And I didn’t mind at all when she called me that…in fact, I loved it. I loved her.

I remembered how important she was to me, and the truth of Sara’s line helped me understand something about me and her.

Helped remind me of the importance of creating relationships where people feel safe with their name in another’s mouth.