It’s a delicate balance—relationships. In lots of ways.
I’ve spent a coupla weeks talking to first year Master’s level Occupational Therapy students–teaching them how to interview clients. So, after I talked to the students about these things, they had a chance to go to the Clinical Learning and Simulation Facility at the University of Manitoba and work with simulated clients to practice the skills. It’s one thing to have a lecture about this stuff…and a whole other deal to have to do it with people.
They did great—I was proud of them. “Hands on” style learning happens at turbo speed compared to “sitting in the classroom watching me talk” style learning.
But this was where the balance came in. They knew it was important for them to learn to gather important information that is vital in an Occupational Therapy interview. They also knew it was important to develop rapport with a client…to have the client feel sufficiently comfortable in the interview. That comfort is important to the success of therapy.
Some gathered information but missed connecting with the person.
Others connected magnificently, but missed the purpose of the interview—almost no clinical information of value was gathered.
That is the challenge of all relationships, really, isn’t it? To balance getting things done with the “being” with the other.
You know what I mean, right? You’ve had a conversation with someone who was very nice, very friendly, but you were left guessing what the point was? I remember having a chat with someone last week…I think she was trying to tell me something, but it took me half a day to put the pieces together—I went back a day later to check out my hunch.
Focus on the relationship, losing the task.
Have you known couple who never gets around to the task of discussing finances—cuz they are too scared that their relationship can’t handle the discussion? (which could actually stress the relationship with undiscussed debt and resentment)
Focus on the relationship, losing the task. (And the relationship can lose out, too)
The flip side is having someone march in, get right down to business, and tell me what they think they need. Only thing is, I don’t have a context, I don’t feel respected, and I’m not “on board” with the request. Focus on the task, losing the relationship.
Have you known an individual who alienates co-workers in the attempt to get the project done on time…(which may slow the project because your co-workers aren’t cooperative)
Focus on the task, losing over relationship (But the task can suffer, too)
We all have comfort zones. I have to watch…I err on the side of relationship. When I need to talk to someone—maybe ask’em for a favor—I can talk all around it, give every possible way out, apologize several times, ask them about their dogs, their kids, their favorite dessert and what color socks they are wearing (you get the picture) before I ask. If I ask.
You see what I mean.
The students ask me how to balance relationship building with accomplishing the task as they are working with a client. My frustrating response: “It depends”.
- Depends on the person with whom they are talking…their comfort level, their patience, and so on.
- Depends on the relationship…how well you know them, how well you want to know them, what the goals of the relationship are.
- Depends on the task…how urgent the task is, how challenging the task.
- Depends on you…how comfortable you are with the relationship, with the other person, with the task at hand.
It does depend.
What was helpful for the students this week, was the mindfulness of the process of practicing these interviews. They did their interviews with a simulated client with an audience of their peers and with a lab instructor. They had a chance to process…looking at the balance between relationship development/maintenance with the task of the relationship. They asked questions and were challenged about their choices. They were thoughtful about the balance, and challenged each other to be aware of their choices, and to think through their choices…allowing them to modify their behavior. All developing their ability to evaluate the choices involved in “depends” to make good choices to allow for optimal relationships with clients.
Watch your own interactions with others in the next few days. Do you shy away from accomplishing something in the relationship that you would like to get done? Why? Do you push an agenda, mowing over the other in a way that felt disrespectful? What is that about?
What would it be like to be truly thoughtful about the balance between task and relationship? What would you notice, appreciate and value about your choices? What would make you uncomfortable? Do your reasons make sense once all the “depend factors” are considered?
Try it!
Write a Comment