Dr. James Krahn, a Winnipeg physician, was speaking the other day to a group of people about how to deal with the awesome issues of life, including facing one’s death. He spoke about connecting with oneself, and being able to recognize anger in oneself, without actually becoming “Anger”…being able to speak for a part in pain, rather than becoming a blob of pain where lashing out, becoming panicked, and hopelessness rule.
One of the most telling things he said was that one of the most important predictors of mental health in an adult was the ability of that person to soothe him or herself as a child. Check this out as a cute example:
Yes, this baby is putting himself to sleep…there will be times when mama has to put him down before he is asleep…days when he will need to put himself to sleep as all of us had to do. He will have his humming that he knows works.
Some kids have soothers/nookies or whatever they are called in the family. Other kids will have a favorite blanket, or a teddy bear that when they hold, they become calmed. Some children are, by nature, more easily stressed while others are more relaxed and easy going. So, for some, finding ways to soothe themselves is natural. Others need a little more help.
Many have a symbol of security and safety which is used to cue themselves to relax–known as a “transitional object” (transitioning from a caregiver soothing them to using that object on their own to feel secure, safe, and calm). Ironically, in Western culture, many wish to wean the child from that transitional object as soon as possible.
I could never figure that out…why take away the very thing that the child finds most comfort in? This accomplishes what?
I recall seeing a child in the emergency room, getting treatment for an acute asthma attack–monitored with all sorts of machines to ensure that the medications being used were being tolerated.
After the breathing mask was removed following a treatment, with considerable relief he would put his fingers in his mouth, hold on to his little security item–and his pulse rate would drop by 40 beats a minute within just 10 or 15 seconds. It was startling to watch how effective the little guy’s soothing strategies were.
Kids aren’t shy about their binkie, blankie, teddy or whatever. They freely ask for a lap or a quiet corner when they need it. Many adults forget that we need to be able to soothe ourselves, to take care of anxious or scared or sad parts, to allow us to be able to continue on in the way life requires.
Everyone needs to feel safe sometimes. Cozy, secure, and relaxed.
Where is your special place? What is your special thing?
What do you hum to yourself, listen to, remind yourself of? How do you breathe, focus, center, ground yourself?
Soothe yourself today…just even for 5 minutes.
Try it. Do it.
Maybe you’ll want to do it again tomorrow.
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