Another successful “Transforming Destructive into Constructive”

Rod Minaker and our intern, Yok Knight, spent two Thursday evenings recently with 9 people who were willing to spend some time with others exploring their responsibility in the expression of anger. They did this at our Transforming Destructive into Constructive (TDC) Course.

A lot of people have to come:

The judge says, “Go, get anger management or ____” (the blank is filled in, in any number of ways).

The employer says, “Go, get anger management or ____” (usually that one has something to do with remaining an employee”).

The girlfriend says, “Go, get anger management or ____” (this one–well, by the time it gets to this, the relationship is hanging on by a thread).

There are a few that recognize that they’re angrier more often than they’d like to be, and experiencing and processing anger more effectively is something that sounds appealing and so they choose to come.

We have a feedback questionnaire that we ask people to complete anonymously after the completion of the course. The feedback we get is overwhelmingly positive. That is particularly gratifying for me to see when I know that significant numbers didn’t originally sign up by their own choice.

The comments fell in 3 categories:

1. appreciation for learning content: how to recognize anger, how to keep anger within productive limits, how to calm oneself so as not to explode, how to make wise decisions so as to harness anger to work FOR you, rather than AGAINST you
2. enjoying the group experience. While many imagine being in a group with others who are addressing their own anger about as appealing as sitting on a hill of fire ants, several people gave us feedback that learning from other people, feeling “as though I was not alone in the way I was feeling after talking with the group”, and feeling like they were able to help each other learned was labelled by several as the very best thing about the group. What people often fear the most about this group turns out to be the best part.
3. the appeal of Rod. Rod is a great guy to talk with about anger. He’s vulnerable and transparent with his own experience of anger–and he’s human, so he knows all about the experience and expression of anger–he doesn’t talk TO participants, he discusses the material WITH participants. He’s been doing it for years…he’s got interesting stories, amusing anecdotes, and is great at generating discussion.

The course only lasts 2 evenings…but our clients feel like they’ve learned skills they can use long term. Some of them go home thinking they want their partner to come and learn what they’ve learned…it’s exciting to think about using the same language for something that you haven’t been able to put words to. It’s a relief to think that each person in a couple has an understanding of how to harness anger and make it productive and constructive.

No one really likes watching themselves spew venom out at people they care about, risk a job they love and pays the bills. It’s lousy to feel powerless as your are slamming doors, kicking tires (or worse), even as a part of you watches what is happening and thinks, “What the heck am I screwing it up like this for?”

Slow it down. Spend some time working on this. Don’t sabotage your relationship with your spouse, your kids, your job…the things that are important to you.

It’s not about not being angry. It’s about being aware what you are really angry about, and deciding how you really want to handle it in a way that you will be better for it.

What are you waiting for?

Do something–take the course, read a book, talk to someone. But don’t let your anger destroy you and the things and people that are important to you. Life is too precious to destroy it with anger.