Lies We tell Ourselves.

Picture this: A woman lying on the floor flexing her legs up towards the ceiling, so she is in an L-shape. Resting on her feet is an upside down scale. Near her toes, is the readout…which predictably (as it is resting ON top of her feet, rather than bearing her weight UNDER her feet) the …

Open the door to a heart that you’ve hurt

I was flipping through the radio stations today while I was in the car…and I heard a song I’ve never heard before. I stayed on the station for the rest of the song, because the lyrics caught my attention: sitellite/util/snippets (code=ae5406abd3b67139d5c5ec0cd43d1334) Being in the “troubled marriage” business, means that I work with couples who are …

A Different Kind of Love Song

One of the wonderful parts of my life is the chance to see couples come in and work through stuff…couples committed and in love with each other. Couples who have a connection with each other that has them decide to work on things, because not working on them is not an option. Couples who are …

Happily Married?

John Gottman, author and renowned respected scientist of attachment theory, states that people who stay married live four years longer than people who don’t. Further, couples that are happily married (as evidenced by numerous scientific measurements over the course of two days and a night) show a greater proliferation of white blood cells in response …

Fighting

Have you seen this video? I saw it for the first time on Friday. It’s got it’s cute moments, but look for the patterns and the way one part plays off the next part. There is a sort of rhythm, almost predictability to the argument-the husband and wife are dancing to the rhythm of the …

Another Shack nugget

One more quote from The Shack, about a man and his wife: “He says she saved his life and paid a high price to do it. For some reason, beyond understanding, she seems to love him now more than ever, even though I get the sense that he hurt her something fierce in the early …

Grace is Hard Work

“We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness.”   Ellen Goodman   I saw a couple lately, deeply in love, new again in love, after decades …

The connection

“The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” Victor Hugo One of the greatest privileges of working with couples who are in various stages of marital crisis, is the chance to work with them to create an environment where a person …

The Pain of Divorce

Morning radio typically does not make me weep. However, I found myself wiping my eyes as I was driving to work the other day. The show was previewing and discussing the documentary, “How to divorce and not wreck the kids”. The show is looking at effective ways couples can work to separate in a way …