Many couples come to Conexus Counselling for a wide variety of reasons. Some are married, some are looking to be married, others have lived together for years, others are dating and are at an impasse in their relationship. All want to improve the connection between them.
Often, one partner (statistically, more often the female) is desperate for a way to make the relationship better, and feels helpless or powerless. The inability to have a partner understand how desperate you are for something like counselling to happen can be agonizing. Partners are often not intentionally be avoiding dealing with the relationship. However, resist counselling and other strategies that a distressed spouse uses to improve a relationship where there is distance. Have your resistant partner check this out.
It is important to recognize the legitimate reservations one partner may have when the other suggests therapy. It is equally important to recognize that hesitation and discomfort is an expected part of the process for many people. Often there is a "dragger" and a "dragee" when a couple comes to couple counselling. Coming to counselling can be a surprising experience that is far more positive than expected.
To learn more about how counselling can help your specific situation, contact us electronically or call us at 204 275 1045
Reasons Couples Come for Therapy:
Many couples say: “We just can’t seem to communicate”. The irony is that many of the people that say this have no trouble communicating effectively at work or with friends. Ugly cycles of blaming and distancing, or fighting and retreating can develop over time in the marital relationship. This creates hurt, anger and resentment which makes it harder to speak to a spouse than it is to anyone else.
We will work together with you to understand the patterns, and the underlying messages and needs of each person in the couple. We can work with you to make effective repairs in the relationship. As we are able to increase the safety in the relationship for each spouse, new ways (or perhaps rediscovering old and loved ways) of relating to each other are possible.
At times a couple might say, “We are not in danger of divorce and remain committed to our marriage, but we don’t think our marriage is as rich as it once was. We’ve lost ‘the spark’ we once had.” This couple is not in crisis but not enjoying the relationship as much as they once did. Sex can be an issue...and sometimes a sexual relationship serves as a signal that you aren't as close as you used to be.
A few sessions of counselling can help you discover your original passion. Counselling can help you redicover the ways to express it in a life that may have become busy and full with the day-to-day-ness of life. It can be lonely when there is something that doesn't feel quite right in this most important relationship. Not talking about it and not facing it can potentially put your relationship on a slippery downward slope. Your car needs regular maintenance and an occasional repair…why wouldn’t you want to do the same for your marriage?
The “affair” of a spouse is an enormously painful event for a partner to experience. It frequently places the relationship at a crossroads: “How do we go forward from here? Do we want to go forward together from here?” Working through infidelity is a painful experience. Absolutely. Having a therapist to assist you in the navigation of this pain can be beneficial. It can be agonizing to determine how a partner can relate to an offending spouse. The partner who has had the relationship has to deal with powerful feeling of guilt, shame and often residual feelings of attraction to the extramarital relationship.
At times, infidelity serves as a “wake-up call” to what is not working in a relationship, allowing a couple to attend to issues that can potentially enrich the relationship. Often, affairs can begin in a very innocent and subtle way, although the effects of it will still be devastating.
At times, the relationship seems unsalvageable. It seems you’ve “tried everything” and are ready to give up. While it is advisable to seek therapy well before you get to this stage, there are times when couples arrive wanting assistance in making a decision to separate. In this situation, the therapist will work together with you to help each of you decide if you are willing and able to work to save the relationship, or if one or both of you is not open to working on the marriage.
Sometimes, relationships on the brink benefit from a marriage coma. This is a decision that is difficult and needs to be made thoughtfully, considering multiple factors. This is not marital counselling, rather it is facilitating discussion to reach a decision. If you decide to commit to the relationship, then “marriage counselling” will begin.
During the months leading up to a wedding, many hours are spent planning and preparing for the “big day.” It is equally important to invest time and energy into preparing for the years of married life that follow. We invite you to look into the set of premarital counselling sessions that we offer.